z

Young Writers Society



Song

by time_fox


Best Friends

You and I are best friends
Best friends to the end
From time to time we disagree
but that never stopped us
Are friendship always came first

We shared are secerts with each other
Never hiding anything
Some times I wondered
If you knew more about me
Then I did myself

You were my best friend
I loved you like a brother
You were my best friend
I loved you like a sister

You were always there for me
I will always be there for you
We made are fears disappear
We could almost read each others minds

You were my best friend
I loved you like a brother
You were my best friend
I loved you like a sister

No matter how far
apart we are
You still are my best friend

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36 Reviews

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Reviews: 36

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Fri Feb 29, 2008 3:08 pm
Moe_Moe17 says...



it was good but you need to consider using spell check




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189 Reviews

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Thu Feb 28, 2008 4:13 pm
[deleted1] wrote a review...



time_fox wrote:Best Friends

You and I are best friends
Best friends to the end
From time to time we disagree
but that never stopped us
Are friendship always came first

We shared are secerts with each other
Never hiding anything
Some times I wondered
If you knew more about me
Then I did myself

You were my best friend
I loved you like a brother
You were my best friend
I loved you like a sister

You were always there for me
I will always be there for you
We made are fears disappear
We could almost read each others minds

You were my best friend
I loved you like a brother
You were my best friend
I loved you like a sister

No matter how far
apart we are
You still are my best friend


This is really good. I like how you have a friend to where you can describe like this. This is an excellent song and keep up the good work.

-Rick




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140 Reviews

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Thu Feb 28, 2008 7:18 am
Kalliope wrote a review...



Hey there!

Writing a song about friendship is always great :)
First of all, as Alainna already pointed out, you need to change some of the 'are's to 'our's:
#1)

Are friendship always came first

#2)
We shared are secerts with each other

#3)
We made are fears disappear

There.

Now to the song. You put a lot of things in this song that are typical for friendship, but you could be talking about any friendship. I suggest making it more specific. What's special about this friendship?

You were my best friend
I loved you like a brother
You were my best friend
I loved you like a sister

I think it's a very good idea to say that you loved your friend as both, a brother and a sister. :)

Keep it up! ;)
~Kalliope

P.S. PM me if you have any questions :)




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410 Reviews

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Wed Feb 27, 2008 5:50 pm
Alainna wrote a review...



Hi, the concept of this was really good - relate-able.

Are friendship always came first

We shared are secerts with each other

'Are' should be 'our' in both sentences.'Secerts' should be 'secrets'.

As a song it didn't have that much structure, I can see that it doesn't have a bridge or a proper chorus. It also lacks punctuation but I know how hard that is to get right.

I suggest you try and make this a little less generic and structure it better. Perhaps give it more of a rhythm as well so it works as a song.

All the best,
Alainna
xxx





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