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140,623 Literary Works • 673,564 Reviews
It's solid, but def coil be improved. Fr too much time is spent a a summary of why the main character knows ether than letting events play out. Also, fly through again for another edit, saw small things like hem instead of him that pulled me out a bit. Also cut out use of adverbs like suddenly or anything with ly at the end unless absolutely necessary. We don't need to be told how something occurs, we know it's sudden. I enjoy the voice of the character overall and while I free the Pace has some issues it's nice to see a chapter that's actually a chapter and not a 3 page blurb.
So overall, yes it can be improved, but u have a solid frame and hopefully the drive to finish. Good luck.
I really liked the idea of this and some parts of it actually brought tears to my eyes. However, if this is going to be a novel, then you need a better hook. Literally nothing happens in either the prologue or the first chapter. This makes me wonder if the entire book takes place in the form of though or if there is actually going to be a story line.
Liked 
This was okay for the prologue, but during the actual chapter I kept waiting for something to happen, that wasn't just her remembering. I also noticed that you repeated a lot of your points between flashbacks.
one type o I noticed:
I learned from (t)hem that people aren’t trustworthy,...
Even with the confusion of where this story is going, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this
And now: a version broken up into readable chunks:)