heart broken

Hi,
I thought this poem was very expressive in terms of the words that you used, and I really got the feelings of negativity you were trying to portray.
However, it also seems to me to be a little jumbled. You seem to have put so much into he poem; anger, sadness, confusion, that you've sort of made it hard to depict the characters' true feelings. I think you need to 'zoom in' on it a little and perhaps just focus on one emotion. As well as this, some of the lines are a little brief for me - you could go into much more depth with it.
For example, your line, 'would've laughed at you then if I knew the sparks went dead,' is beautiful and you could put so much more imagery around that. I loved how you used the words, 'went dead.' The concept of the death of love sounds so dramatic and so mournful, they make the line really contribute to the piece.
The line, 'all these songs don't have melody, the words spoken don't mean a thing,' is also lovely and should be embellished further like the other line. Associating music with love always has positive effects for the reader, and you have really taken advantage of this by explaining that without the steady foundation of the relationship, which is represented by the melody you mentioned, the words that are spoken can't e understood. I love this.
Overall this poem has amazing potential, you just need to sift through it and focus on the things that go a little deeper. Most of it is beautiful and frankly it was a joy to read.

Keep writing, I look forward to reading more of your work! Feel free to check mine out if you want to, I could always use the feedback!
priceofwords

Hi!!!
I really liked this poem because it fallows topic really well. I just thought that you might want to put in some punctuation so that the reader knows which part goes where. At some parts, it seemed kind of jumbled to me. Also, you might want to capitalize all of the lines if you have no punctuation. I thought that this was really meaningful and pure and that's what I like to see in a poem. The genuine emotion keeps people wanting more, so it would be better if this were longer. Great poem though!!! Kepp writing!!!

Hello, I'm Phoenix and I'll be reviewing your poem today. I'll start with this; I like how the title is straight to the point, but you could definitely improve it and make it a little more poetic.

Secondly, I get that you're heart broken from this, but I'm not seeing why. There's no imagery or description that makes me understand, or have any feelings about this. Everything you say is to straight forward, but then also backwards. It's rather confusing to read and try to understand. Let's try changing a line to be more powerful, I'll take the last line; "my heart is so full of regret", and turn it into:
"The weight of my heart has fallen to the bottom,
I no longer want these memories,
I regret every moment.", or something along those lines! Try to make the emotions show, use details.

Thirdly, try to use metaphors and similes, lets try that with a line from your poem. I'll take; "I can't hear anything" and turn it into:
"My ears have shut down
like an empty store at night,
there is noise no longer." that sounds super corny, but you get the idea!

Fourth, imagery is a big part of poetry, and you don't have any! Let's take "would've laughed at you then if I knew the sparks went dead" and turn it into:
"I would have thrown my head back
in maniacal laughter
if I'd only known that the sparks
would burst away,
and the color would vanish.", that sounds a lot better honestly! If you try you can write just like that.


I also noticed you only have one pause in the whole poem. An end of a line does not mean a pause! You still have to use punctuation! Also, you have one big stanza, try separating it into multiple stanzas.

Keep writing!

- Phoenix

Hello!

This is a short, yet meaningful piece you got 'ere. I liked it . Bitter sweet in a way, can feel its subtle regrets in lost love. We all go through that regret now and then... wishing to turn back time or think of some plan to get around it somehow. Your piece reminds me much of a monologue of a broken heart :') I've written sad heartbreak poems: I can see your emotion here, a slice of your soul

As a writer, I shall just suggest two things for you... I would rather have this longer; it was a good run, almost like a story. In..."would've laughed at you then if I knew the sparks went dead" I saw it kinda sounded nicer with "...if I know the sparks would die." And, what did you mean by "levant make sense out of it?" Isn't levant a geographical place in SW Asia?


Well, either way, this was a good start. Keep it up!

-Sybil (WaltzingDreams)