I can’t hold on to this forever
I’m in a sick winding road
To many paths to turn to
I don’t know which one to take
I can’t hold on to you forever
With each day I know the pain grows more and more
Will my tears ever subside?
It’s not like you said goodbye
But what happened is much worse
Because it was clearly obvious
What are those freaking words for?
What are those sweet nothings for?
I knew it
I knew it from the start
But why did I ever let myself
Be blinded on what I want to happen?
I can’t even cry anymore
I can’t even scream
My words flow like a raging stream
I’ve build my own coffin
I dug my own grave
I feel like I’ve written my last will
I felt like I’m dying
It feels like every star had burned to ash
It feels like my every pen had lost its ink
It feels like the sky was never clear
And what happened was my greatest fear
I don’t know how to end this
End this like you did
My photo was still with you
But your heart was nowhere near
Let me know what you think. Thanks. :)
-threm.
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Canary word: Present
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125,014 Literary Works • 672,845 Reviews
hello threm.
hhm..
except for some grammar flosses, this poem was really nice for me,
like you've written it just the way how you exactly felt it.
i think it's exceptional, because as i can see you are a beginner.
keep it up. it isn't often that i comment on works like these.
god bless.
I really like this. I mean, I really like this. =) There are a few problems though.
Spelling/Grammar - There are a few instances where you misspelled something or got your grammar mixed up.
"build" should be "built".
"had" should be "has".
"neargh" should be "near". I don't think that one was on purpose. =)
Rhythm/Rhyming - I can't find any set rhythm in this. Also, the the rhyming is all mixed up. In some places it rhymes and in other places it doesn't, which kind of throws you off. Maybe try some different wording?
Overall - It's a great poem, the biggest thing that was wrong with it was the rhyming/rhythm scheme and that was basically it. It's pretty long too, so that's awesome. Gold star all the way! ^^
- Claeren
P.S. maybe you should try not putting so many spaces between lines. I found it hard to read because of it. Just a hint! ^^