Published November 10, 2011
The beauty of the world
Put into one being
One person
Not by looks
Though that be true
But by life
Words
Wisdom
We all want
What we can't have
What is just out of reach
Though for a moment
He is in reach
This wonder of the world
Telling such great tales
Being a true friend
A true person
His touch
Brings warmth
His kiss
Brings comfort
You will not want it to end
But this journey
As lovers
Will end
It pains me to know
Wanting him to stay
But it must be
All great things must end
The run is nice
I wish it to continue
To stay this way
But for now it shall not
I hope friendship to bloom
For this dear wonder
To be a friend
Dearest wonder boy
Stay true
For I have no regret
This is a bittersweet moment
Stay happy
Positive
Where lovers depart
Friends come together
Forever
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140,522 Literary Works • 673,294 Reviews
GAH Okay, so this is good.....But it's a bit all over the place and there is NO punctuation......Rookie mistake. Here's how I'd fix it:
The beauty of the world
Put into one being,
One person.
Not by looks,
Though that be true,
But by life
Words
Wisdom I would make this one line, and make it "Words and wisdom." But that's just my own personal opinion on how to make the poem more uniform.
We all want
What we can't have;
What is just out of reach. The theme of your poem changes here, hence the "all over the place" comment. This change of thesis is confusing and distracting to the reader.
Though for a moment,
He is in reach; Who is he
This wonder of the world.
Telling such great tales.
Being a true friend,
A true person.
His touch
Brings warmth
His kiss
Brings comfort I would make this into two lines, and add a bit more to it. As it is, it throws off the meter. I would change it to "His touch brings warmth, / His kiss brings comfort." And then one or two more lines to the same theme as "his ____ brings _____"
You will not want it to end,
But this journey
As lovers
Will end. Again, I would make this one line, so as not to confuse the reader with the step out of meter.
It pains me to know,
Wanting him to stay, Huuuggeee grammar no-no try "to want him to stay" You can't have a "to" verb and then an "ing" verb.
But it must be,
All great things must end.
The run is niceWhat run? Where did this come from?
I wish it to continue.
To stay this way, What way? Good way? New way? Old way?
But for now it shall not.
I hope friendship to bloom What friendship? Who's friendship? Why friendship?
For this dear wonder,
To be a friend.
Dearest wonder boy,
Stay true,
For I have no regret One line, with a comma
This is a bittersweet moment
Stay happy,
Positive One line
Where lovers depart
Friends come together
Forever I like the ending
Once again, try to answer Who, what, when, where, why, how if at all possible for each new topic brought about. If that's not possible, at least try to explain, or at least imply, What, Why, and how. Those are the most important of all. Never forget that as a writer.
I really liked this poem! Some people may have a problem with the lack of punctuation - I, however, did not! My favorite part was:
I thought it was clever.Ok, now I am going to be critical. Prepare yourself.
Here I thought you were a couple or at least a crush so I would not say "Being a true friend". Also, I thought that you shouldn't use 'true' twice. Find a synonym, please and thank you.
I would think that a kiss from such a wonderful person would be more than comfortable! You could say his touch was warm and comfortable.
In my opinion, this part is unnecessary. You have already said that it is over and you don't want it to be.
If it were my poem (which it isn't so do whatever you want) I would edit the ending to:
I really liked the ending. Never stop writing and good luck!
this is very good I like it
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