Dear Love:
Dear Love,
Your Almighty Admirable,
Why do you hate me so?
Why do you deprive me
Of the one thing
I’ve ever wanted? No,
Dear Cupid,
You tricky little demon,
Why have you not shot me down?
And left my heart sick,
And aching,
For another I could not live without?
Am I not worthy,
Of this simple request?
Please tell me if this is truth.
For I will surely die,
Shrivel up and nigh
Be on my way back home.
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I hate watching love stories where everyone is sick with love, so I wrote this to ease the pain. I don't know if it's any good or no.
Tell me what you think.
-Tim 
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125,009 Literary Works • 672,837 Reviews
I like the kind of Shakespearean sarcasm tone you conveyed with this poem. The only problem I have with it is that the last couple lines seems kind of forced.
Hey there! I really like the idea you have for this poem - talking to cupid, asking him why he shot you with the arrow...
Best of luck!
So, you've really got an idea that a lot of people can relate to, which is GREAT, a wonderful place to start from. But why not try to give your poem more of an emotional punch? Sure everyone has probably felt this way at some point in the story, but they probably forget just how heart-aching-ly painful it is. You want to remind them. Don't just talk about the hurt, make the reader feel it. Share the hurt with us! You can use imagery, metaphors, similes, symbolism, etc etc - all different kinds of writing devices to show more emotion in poetry. I have this really old, out of date, and kinda crumby article called Emotional Poetry that might help you get the hang of putting emotions into poetry.
Another thing I noticed about this poem is that the ending falls flat. In easier terms, the speaker asks cupid if she'll never fall in love, and then says, well I'll just "die" - but really I'll just go home. Does this mean your speaker is giving up?
It's okay if your speaker is giving up, but if that's the case you need the poem to reflect that stronger. It says a lot about the speaker that she's giving up instead of FIGHTING! And what if, instead, she is fighting? She doesn't want to lie down easy, she wants to tear everything to shreds until she gets what she wants. That's a complete difference from what you have in the poem, but either way you go, you need to make it STRONG.
I hope this review helped.
Hello,
This poem reminds of The laboratory poem, as i feel they have similar themes.
This is quite a good poem, and you choice of language makes the poem more effective.
I like it
Nova, thank you. I kept reading over that line, but I didn't know how to fix it! Now I do
Hi, Tim!
I read through your poem, and I can certianly relate to the whole issue, as I do have... -cough- problems -cough- so this does make you put yourself in this rather in-depth sadness of the person thats feeling it.
There is a little-ish problem with one of your lines though:
It would sound alot better if you put Please tell me if this is the truth. It has more rhythm
Anywho, this is a rather good poem and I will to keep writing, even if those rom-coms are getting on your nerves!
Your ever-warm reviewer, Nova