Embrace Simplicity

by thirstyhand

Published June 25, 2012

In Poetry

PreviousNext
Don't part from me
Pleads Simplicity
You're latching 
To Technology
You can't truly 
See the sea
If you lack
Simplicity

Settle down
Drink some tea
You won't even
Need to wee
If you succeed 
In eating healthy
That is great
Simplicity

See these books
There are three
I won't even
Charge a fee
If you read
Alongside me
You'll embrace
Simplicity
Comments & reviews · 1
User avatar
esoteric
Review
esoteric wrote a review Review · Jun 26, 2012

There is much to be gained from simplicity.
Hoo-rah, for a good and interesting topic for a poem.

Most of the rhyming is smooth,
and most of it has a good rhythm to it.

Unsure how I feel about the play on words "see the sea,"
as I enjoy a more subtle play on words.

Also, "need to wee" seems out of place.
Especially in the context of the rest of that line:

"Drink some tea
You won't even
Need to wee
If you succeed
In eating healthy"

I am unsure of what it all means.

"need to wee" is a bit unnecessary
since it sounds like something a child would say.
I think you can find something better.

You really have a good idea going here.
It has the potential to get people thinking.

Keep it going!



A ruler leads by example, not force.
— Sun Tzu