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140,806 Literary Works • 673,689 Reviews
There is much to be gained from simplicity.
Hoo-rah, for a good and interesting topic for a poem.
Most of the rhyming is smooth,
and most of it has a good rhythm to it.
Unsure how I feel about the play on words "see the sea,"
as I enjoy a more subtle play on words.
Also, "need to wee" seems out of place.
Especially in the context of the rest of that line:
"Drink some tea
You won't even
Need to wee
If you succeed
In eating healthy"
I am unsure of what it all means.
"need to wee" is a bit unnecessary
since it sounds like something a child would say.
I think you can find something better.
You really have a good idea going here.
It has the potential to get people thinking.
Keep it going!