12+

Painted Men

Red used to be enough
to make my heart whirl,
to make my toes curl. 

But then Orange came,
and after that,
Red just wasn't the same. 

In my bed at night,
yet another arrived, so bright. 
He was Yellow - 
quite a handsome fellow.

But soon Red bled through,
and I just didn't know what to do.

Red and Yellow mixed; 
hearts were broken,
that couldn't be fixed.

Quickly, Orange reappeared - 
exactly what I had most feared.

Together, they blended 
and my love life ended. 

Comments & reviews · 3
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User avatar
nadair
Comment

I liked reading this poem and had fun while reading it. I like the use of the colors and the fact that you touched a serious topic with some fun and humor.

I think the colors could have been explained a little better, but I think that you did a great job with everything else.

I loved it.

Keep it up!

User avatar
EndlessPest
Review

An interesting read and slightly humorous.

I enjoyed your poem and thought that for what could've been a serious or cynical subject you treated it with a touch of light hearted fun and a you win some you lose some attitude. I like the rhyme scheme in the poem and think it worked well, it echoed the idea of what goes around comes around.

On a personal note it sounds like you've had some fun along the way but might've bitten off more than you can chew, pardon the pun haha.

I look forward to reading more!

User avatar
Vivian
Review
Vivian wrote a review · Mon Dec 29, 2014 10:35 pm

Hey, Viv here to try and review. Truthfully, I don't see anything wrong with the poem and I like. I just want to know what the colors represent and if each color was bad? I do like that you used colors to describe the men, all colors you'd find in a fire, which I believe represents passion. Also, you kept up with your rhyming scheme, that was good too. If this poem was truthful, then I wish you the best of luck.



Everything in the universe has a rhythm, everything dances.
— Maya Angelou