Haikus(no names)

#1
A child laughs as
A tree sways in the wind. and
Deer drink the water
#2
Leaves blow in the wind
As the storm moves into the
Quiet calm meadow
#3
Nature is peaceful
Everything is quiet as
The child runs through

Comments & reviews · 1
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User avatar
emmylou1995
Review

These are nice. Here is my advice.
#1
A child laughs as
A tree sways in the wind. and
Deer drink the water

I think this should be...
trees sway in the wind
a child laughs
as deer drink the water

#2
Leaves blow in the wind (Try "leaves swirl" or something better than blow. Take out "in the wind".
As the storm moves into the (Remove "the".)
Quiet calm meadow (Start with the. Choose either quiet or calm, not both.)

leaves swirl
as the storm moves into
the calm meadow

#3
Nature is peaceful
Everything is quiet as
The child runs through

This is a bad haiku. Haiku's are supposed to show an image, not tell. Saying that it is quiet and nature is peaceful just does not work.

Overall, very pretty. Dont add in little words that do not need to be there. You almost never use as or and at the end of a sentance. Work on your line placement and on showing not telling. Remember, a haiku never has capital letters in it. I would like #2 if you changed it around a little.



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