Hopeless lover.

by thething912

Published August 28, 2008

In Poems

Hopeless lover.
I see other couples and wonder why I can’t be like them.
Why can’t I have somebody to call my own?
I’m a hopeless lover in a world that needs love.
I can't even keep a relationship alive.
Why don't people love me as much as I love them?
I am and will forever be a hopeless lover.

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
Matt Bellamy
Review
Matt Bellamy wrote a review Review · Aug 29, 2008

I'm not feeling it, either. Sure, you've told us how you feel, but you need to show us what it's like, maybe give an example of other couples? Because I could probably empathize with this, but at the moment it doesn't stir any emotion. Try adding more description, something original to make me feel the way you/the narrator feels.

Livinginfantasy wrote a review Review · Aug 29, 2008

thething912 wrote:Hopeless lover.
I see other couples and wonder why I can’t be like them.
Why can’t I have somebody to call my own?
I’m a hopeless lover in a world that needs love.
I can't even keep a relationship alive.
Why don't people love me as much as I love them?
I am and will forever be a hopeless lover.


I was going to do this line by line, but I think it'd be easier to give my overall impression.

This is very underdeveloped. No emotion. No originality. No imagery. Just bleh.
Wow, I feel like a broken record tonight. I'm coming across poems that have these same problems.

Yes, I get it, but I'm not feeling it. Try adding a little of some of the things I said you lacked, and this could so much better.

Good Luck!



Every time I’ve gotten feedback that was hard to take it was usually hard to take because there was truth in it and I didn’t like that (or didn’t want to receive it). That’s not to say all harsh feedback is good or that we should be harsh for harshness’ sake, but learning to absorb truth without letting it break your inner core/break you is a lifelong skill that keeps your mind elastic and open to learning.
— soundofmind