Published October 31, 2012
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140,752 Literary Works • 673,686 Reviews
gross amazing fantastic and gross. Great description. You really built the setting up well. i don't even know half of the words you use and that is good thing. keep it up. But there is only one thing i would think about next time you write a poem is that to really explain who
gross amazing fantastic and gross. Great description. You really built the setting up well. i don't even know half of the words you use and that is good thing. keep it up. But there is only one thing i would think about next time you write a poem is that to really explain who
gross amazing fantastic and gross. Great description. You really built the setting up well. i don't even know half of the words you use and that is good thing. keep it up. But there is only one thing i would think about next time you write a poem is that to really explain who
gross amazing fantastic and gross. Great description. You really built the setting up well. i don't even know half of the words you use and that is good thing. keep it up.
This poem's alright, but it feels a little vacant emotionally. It also would've been nice to see some connecting metaphor that tied the whole poem together and made it feel more cohesive. But to be honest, I was about to review this piece and then looked at your age and said, "Whoa, 13?! The stuff I was writing when I was 13 wasn't half as good as this!" And while age really isn't going to change the way I review, I just want to add that it shows that you have a lot of potential.
Anyway, my problem with this poem is that it just doesn't really feel genuine. You need to inject a certain balance of artistry and emotion to make it work; it's a hard balance to find, but not impossible. :] There's room for improvement, but this poem is alright.
Yeah I get the whole lacking emotions thing with my poems quite often. I either lack depth in them or there's too much emotion and not enough action. And thanks for not critiqueing me according to my age, I'd rather have my work being judged as if I was an adult. Thanks!
This is good. I like the simplicity, as well as the imagery and the use of allusions allowed me to picture a vivid image and get an impression on the mood you're trying to set. Keep it up.