This is the start of a story that I'm not sure I should keep going with. I'm not exactly sure what it will be about yet but i have some good ideas on what could happen. Please let me know whether you think I should keep writing and possibly suggest some ideas for the story ;)
Rain bounced off the concrete like silver bullets, leaving a shimmering ribbon of water to light the smooth pathways. The dark, velvet sky allowed the city lights to sparkle, and it was as if the world had tipped upside-down.
You could search above the millions of cold droplets until dawn painted the surface of heaven once more, yet you would seldom find a single star. Not on this clouded night.
The only visible stars were found just across the bridge, glittering their electricity through high buildings and flashing neon signs.
How grand the bridge seemed at that moment – the only route across the vast black liquid that separated the city from the quaint little town. Solid stone and turquoise steel joined together to form one of mankind’s greatest achievements. The Fallen Bridge, they called it, it’s name given after the infamous story that followed the undoing of Fallen. It was an ironic name considering how large and unyielding the bridge appeared, its arch stretching 2, 642 metres in length and 38.7 metres wide; truly a remarkable structure.
Fallen, on the other hand, was nothing but a blink in history – a careless glance of scenery flying past a car window. It was a town, a place, a mystery, a tragedy. Mostly, it was forgotten.
I watched the people hurrying past me with their shoulders hunched and arms stretching over their heads to protect themselves from the shower. I wondered who each of them were. What was their destiny? Did they have a big role to play? Would they make a difference, or would they be left behind just as Fallen had?
The Halo City was everyone’s destination. You were nobody unless you lived or worked there. Individuals gathered far and wide from all over the globe to visit. It worked like a vacuum – people sucked into Halo city in masses, and they never came back out.
I myself had not yet ventured into the city, but that was about to change.
And that's all I've got so far. It's not much but I'm going to add more to it as I go along. I just thought it would be good to get some of it out there.
I'd love to hear your ideas but I understand if you feel uncomfartable doing that. Either way, thanks for reading :)
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125,013 Literary Works • 672,844 Reviews
The description in this is phenomenal
I'm really looking forward to seeing what will happen next. I could see everything so clearly, like I was watching a movie. I really do think you should keep going. This is absolutely amazing. You are so descriptive, and that is one of the best qualities in a writer. You have a true talent. 
Hey,
First thing is i absolutely loved this. I love how you put all the the description into it. I could picture it so clearly in my head. Its really good. I would like to know whats gonna happen in it though but it is only the beginning im sure you have loads of amazing ideas on what is goin to happen in it. Im looking foward to reading more that you have posted. I would however like to know more about the character. Having more thoughts and feelings to give a bit of a hint about who the main character would make this even better. Other than that i found this really good. Im glad i came across this.
And to answer your question. Yes, yes you should carry this on and good luck! Keep writing!!
Hey therealme!
Nice work so far!
Let me just say that you are one of the descriptive authors that I've seen. You've painted a really vivid and clear picture in my mind as to what the scene's like. Fantastically done!
I hope you have the best of luck while writing this!
Loved that detail. And in fact, you managed to put words together to create very unique descriptions here. One small thing, when I realized this was written in first-person, I was wondering: are the exact measurements of the bridge a well-known fact? Otherwise, maybe it would be more realistic for the character to say "over two and half kilometers long", or something like that.
That's really all I can comment on at this point, as I know nothing about your character or plot. With the way you write, I can imagine this turning into a very vivid and interesting tale. Good job so far, and good luck!
~a2sd
Hi, therealme!
This is great. You have wonderful diction and craft your sentences together in a nearly eloquent way. I enjoyed reading it.
The only thing I have to say on an editing point is that it is all description, and that you leave off abruptly at the end. I understand that you haven't finished, but it might not have been the best place to end. Content-wise, as I said, it's all description. Readers don't know anything about the plot, only the implication of possibly unraveling the story of Fallen. While, again, I understand that you haven't finished, it would be nice to see something that pulls the reader deeper into the story or gives them a clue as to what's going on. You just set the scene, vividly I may add, but that's not enough.
As for ideas, I'm not sure. You could unravel the story of the Fallen, as that was implied, or take it in the way of destiny, as the main character had a few thoughts on that near the end. Or it could be something completely different. You just give a setting and a character who readers don't know, and it's hard to imagine what someone else is capable and willing of putting down on page.
I hope this helps. Let me know when/if you decide to continue this.
Keep writing!
~ Rocky
thank you for your review! I really appreciate it. Yes I was aware that the whole thing was pretty much descriptive and you're definitely right about it needing other elements such as character and plot. I reckoned that once I figured out what and who the characters and plot was then I could go back and edit things to make everything fit together nicely
And yeah, I left it quite abruptly haha I'll have to write more to fix it.
It's really good! I think there are some parts that you can delete (because it's unnecessary...) but other than that, I think it's REAAAALLLY GOOD!!!!! I would actually buy that book to read it
yay
thanks a lot.