Social Life
Chapter 2
Bridget was running late after last nights activities with Brett, she felt so messed up. She pulled on her comfiest jeans, a loose vest and a woolly cardigan. She fumbled around searching for her favourite blue suede boots. "Shit!" she said. Bridget had left them at Brett's, she had been so drunk and tired she'd forgotten all about them. Stepping into her ballet flats, she pulled out her blackberry curve and began to text "hi Brett left my boots @ yours could u bring them to school 2day thanks B x" she wrote. She missed assembly, which didn't faze her and went straight to English literature, the morning dragged she really needed some coffee and quick. At lunch she and Chloe visited "The Bean" a chic little coffee shop across the road from school. Chloe was Bridget's sidekick, her best friend and her worst enemy. She sat down near the window and checked her phone. 1 unread message it said "Hi Bridget not coming in 2day soz ill bring them up 2 urs l8r". "So what did you do last night?" Chloe asked. "I ..um..went over to Brett's to say hi you know," Bridget replied. "Really...just to say hi?" she quizzed. "Well ... listen I'll tell you but you've got to swear you wont tell anyone!" Bridget pleaded. "I swear," she said. "Well yesterday i got caught in that downpour, i was really soaked i was trying to get a cab when Brett came and asked me to come in, so i went. We talked a bit and he gave me some wine, he started to kiss my neck and i told him to stop. But the temptation was overwhelming we kissed and then had sex. If Blake finds out I'm screwed," she blurted. Chloe raised her eyebrows and after a few moments said quietly "Whats done is done, forget about it Blake will never know."....
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,804 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okayy well here we are at the second part here. This seems like a reasonable enough follow up but I will have to say this one could do with being split into a couple of paragraphs here. The previous part had some paragraphs toeing the line of being hard to read, but this one definitely crosses that line and having the one wall of text really isn't that great in a piece.
Moving past that particular issue there this seems like a solid enough acknowledgement of what happened earlier. I still thinks its a little flat because while we have the framework set out fairly well here for the emotions we need, it doesn't quite follow through nearly well enough here. I think you need to do a little more here to try and showcase the emotions on display beyond just our character confessing to one of her friends.
I think especially if you want to us to really connect with the guilt she seems to be feeling here you have to do a bit more because right now these seems a lot more like the fear of being found and we don't get to see much of anything really gnawing away at her like some of these lines seem to be attempting to imply.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry