Preface
"Where were you?" Gabe had screamed at me, his expression flushed with burning anger that had been hinted about for the past few weeks. He got in my face, his neck straining against itself, the flesh turning red and stretching against his bones of his neck as he glared at me. "Where were you, Alexie? Our brother nearly died and you were no place to be found!"
…and the enemy I've fallen in love with.
"I'm sick of this!" Luke too had exclaimed to me at a different time. "I'm sick of this feud. I'm sick of hiding and worrying if the two of us are going to caught together!"
"Well, what do you expect me to do about it?" I demanded, throwing my arms in the air. "We're on opposite sides of this and we can't unveil the truth once and for all."
And it wouldn't be for myself.
Protectively, Mick moved in front of me, facing Gabe. "Stop it." He hissed. "This isn't the time or the place."
Gabe glared at him. "You don't care that Alex almost died and his own twin sister didn't show up to the hospital until six hours later? That the one person who could've helped him wasn't here?"
No.
Luke took my hand in his. "Alexie," he began seriously staring down into my eyes. "I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry but I can't. I want you to go away with me."
My mouth dropped open. "Go where? Why?"
He waved offhandedly. "Wherever, so long as we can be together."
It would be for the ones I love.
"She should've been here at his side using their bond so we would know whether he was going to be okay or not!" Gabe snapped. "She is the only person who can. Yet not only she wasn't here, she didn't even notice that something was wrong!"
My eyes welled up with tears. "I'm sorry," I answered knowing full and well he was right. That Alex could've died and I wasn't here because I was with Luke.
××××××
"And what about—" I began.
Interrupting me, Luke shook his head, pressing his finger to my lips. "Forget it. Forget it all. Forget the feud. Forget family. Come away with me where we'll never—never have to worry about hiding our love again. Come with me, Alexie."
××××××
When I was younger, there was a saying my father always used to tell my brothers and me. “Non si puo avere la botte piena éla moglie ubriaca.” This was the Italian version of the saying, you can't have your cake and eat it too.
And he was right. I could no longer have the best of both worlds. Not any longer.
Remembering the moments that had brought me to this inevitable choice, I gazed at my reflection in the mirror. I was trying not to cry, trying to forget everything I was about to give up. I swallowed hard and shakily opened my mouth and whispered, "I know what I have to do."
Not for myself.
No.
For the ones I love…
I have to choose once and for all.
Heya thepurplelover
I liked this prologue. It did make is seem like a movie trailer and I think it worked very well with what you've written. I like how throughout all the quotes you kept reminding the reader that the main concept was that she was torn between two things, and then you summed that up really well at the end. It makes me feel eager to read the story now.
There isn't much more I can write on this. I look forward to knowing what happens after the prologue.
Deanie x
i love how you put so much in to it. i can feel the emotion every time i read this! which by the way is like ten! i also liked the flash back part of juliets past. i really did like it! xp
Hey thepurplelover,
This is quite different to many works posted here on YWS, because it looks like a prologue to a novel but it reads like a movie trailer.
Somehow you've captured this introduction in a very cinematic way. I think it's the quick cuts between different scenes at different times going on inside Alexie's (Juliet's) head! The sudden changes follow her tumbling thoughts as she grapples with a conflict that... she doesn't quite start to deal with. It's engrossing, yes, and it's certainly snappy and quick enough for an opening, but is this a style you're going to continue with throughout the book? It strikes me as something that is hard to comfortably sustain.
Despite it being kind of unusual, the style really appeals to me. You've given lots of tempting glimpses of the rest of the story -- but there is a danger of this. In focusing on only the most exciting / dramatic bits, there is a tendency for it to come across as melodramatic. Like Gabe's exaggerated anger and the "once and for all" phrase that crops up a few times in quick succession. Be careful not to overload the reader with how epic the story is going to be.
I guess the melodrama is also compounded by the fact that the story is clearly based on Romeo and Juliet. There's definitely nothing wrong with basing things on Shakespeare (I mean, have you seen "She's The Man"? Brilliant!) but it's hard to work in his shadow unless you can make your interpretation substantially different. I like that Alexie has a twin and there's some sort of bond there -- that's different and it's an interesting dynamic if it works in both directions. Can Alex "sense" when Alexie and Luke are together? I'm sure you're considering this and will see how you can make the difference.
Also consider exposing more of the characters in this section. We get a feel for Gabe's anger, but we don't really get to understand that much about Alexie apart from the fact that she's angsty and confused inside. Try not to neglect Luke -- he should be more of a character than just a love interest! There are numerous examples in fiction these days where a character is a love interest and the rest of their traits orbit around that one big one. It's not pretty, and you can definitely do better than that.
I think I'll stop here. If you've got any questions / want to clarify anything with me, feel free to PM me or post on my wall. Best of luck and happy writing!
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