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She Is Allure

by theperishedrose

She fell in love with her shadow

It made her beautiful
She couldn't see her scars
The dark bruises under her eyes
She couldn't see her crooked teeth
The faded brown of her hair
Her shadow had no face

She despised her reflection
It displayed her grotesquerie
Not the delicate figure splayed across the beige walls,
Lighted by the burning fireplace
Not the outline of pianist fingers that knew none of playing piano
Not the silhouette of luscious curls that danced when she moved

But in time she will learn to love both and neither...
For it is the soul that makes the beholder alluring

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98 Reviews

Points: 7565
Reviews: 98

Thu Feb 13, 2020 3:40 pm
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tgham99 wrote a review...

I like that this poem is written in third person because it's always interesting to see how others view themselves vs. how strangers view them. Just thought I'd start by pointing this out as one of my favorite aspects of the poem.

The final lines of the poem are interesting to me because we get insight into what exactly our observer is thinking about this girl; I'm not sure if this is the correct interpretation, but there's this general tone of loving her for her soul despite her imperfections rather than because of them, if that makes sense. Regardless, we get a very clear sense of how the observer beholds this woman.

I like the second to last stanza because of how well you use imagery -- I can actually picture the "outline of pianist fingers that knew none of playing piano"; this was most definitely my favorite line in the entire poem.

I don't really have many suggestions; the poem is very fluid. I actually like that you vary your sentence structure so heavily rather than keeping everything super short and concise. It's a good way to keep the reader interested and also adds more dimension to your piece.

Lovely poem -- write on! <3

Thanks for your critique!! And I'm so happy you enjoyed it!

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15 Reviews

Points: 514
Reviews: 15

Thu Feb 13, 2020 7:22 am
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anarki wrote a review...

Hello @theperishedrose, Anarki here for a review!

First things first, this is a lovely poem. It is a poem many people who despise their reflections can relate to (ahem! me included! ahem!). Such a wonderful piece. The descriptions have helped me picture this lady. In my mind I can picture her scarred face, with bruises under her eyes, the faded brown hair and, crooked teeth which make her hate her smile. Its very easy for me, the reader to put myself in her shoes and thus empathize with her situation.

The ending of the poem has given me hope, that maybe the lady will find peace with her self and accept her body. I guess this is what some people call conflict resolution? Such a lovely piece, I love this poem.

Now the "third" stanza has some issues, three lines are very long.

Not the delicate figure splayed across the beige walls,
Not the outline of pianist fingers that knew none of playing piano
Not the silhouette of luscious curls that danced when she moved

I do understand that they help to convey a message and an idea that short statements can't and honestly I can't think of any way of shortening them but really, they are really long. The line preceding that has 8 syllables and the "Not the delicate.." line has 13. That's a huge jump and I can feel like the musicality of the poem is greatly impacted. I don't know much about poetic feet and meters that's why I'm going back to syllables. Maybe I can suggest you try separating the ideas in the long lines to several lines and maybe create another stanza if necessary.

As I finish, it is important that I emphasize that I am not a master, thus my opinions and my review may be inherently flawed and that there is never "one true and right way" of writing poems. You are free to pick anything that suits your style and discard the rest.

I have definitely enjoyed reading this poem and I hope I get to read more from you

Have a good day/night!
Anarki :)

Thank you!! It means a lot that you like and relate to this piece and I'm utterly grateful for any constructive criticism!

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5 Reviews

Points: 634
Reviews: 5

Wed Feb 12, 2020 10:42 pm
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Venerator wrote a review...

A sense of connection with the girl and her shadow is one not familiar to many people, but you've given that unfamiliarity light to the public. I've known many people to have this type of connection with another side of themselves, I included. This really resonated with me. Your description is not static but filled with definite and solid imagery, too. The end had given me chills and it pulls this entire work together.

This work deserves more attention!
I hope this won't your only piece either, I do love the way you have written this.

Thank you so much! I'm happy you've been able to relate to this poem and grateful you think so highly of it

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17 Reviews

Points: 292
Reviews: 17

Wed Feb 12, 2020 10:14 pm
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PlainandSimple wrote a review...

I'm new to this, but this piece is really good. I think it deserves a lot more reviews and reads. It's very deep that shows a lot of emotion. It really works with everyone in different situations, which is really hard to do. Your use of describing words makes it even better and even makes you sound really smart :). Anyways, I wish and will try to be a great writer like you! Great job!!

You're so sweet! Thank you for your kind words and I'm sure you can best me any day!

You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...
— Dr. Seuss