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that one night stand

by thepages


that one night stand.something i just remembered...

I’ve always wondered what the essence of pictures is. Well, that’s until I came across this, one of my old time pics. Not the best quality but then that’s not the reason for this writing, it’s rather the story behind it. The beauty and sense of selflessness embedded in the scene itself.

The day the pic was taken was a special one, last holiday to be precise. The morning had turned out to be the best so far, memorable (just as a matter of fact). The sun’s rays peered through the morning skies so beautifully that I couldn’t help but stare at the yellow red sky. Early birds were starting their usual morning charm, a unison of praise to the creator for yet a new day.

I woke up to that enchanting charm, yawned off the night’s sleep and fast remembered that last night conversation on Facebook. Some girl had posted, “me bored, any one to cheer me up!?” so I said to myself, “why not, not that I will lose a thing” (and I didn’t, instead gained). I sent in the friend request she replied quite fast and we established a mutual relationship.

Abbie, for such was the las’ name (obviously her real name is shielded) happened to be one of those girls with peculiar taste. The kind of girl whose conversations are more like addictive drugs, once she starts replying you can’t ignore. Her flash speed alone would keep the chat flowing, so frequently you forget who you had texted just moments ago.

20th July 2019,9:15 pm (GMT), was the moment I got acquainted with this goddess of a conversationalist. I didn’t know her at all and neither did she, but somehow she could twist the barrier of being total strangers making it seem we have been friends for some time now. She would forge scenes and you could actually feel it, I think I know you. The perfect on conversationalist at both ends, I thought. Ever since I signed up to Facebook this was the most awkward conversation I’d had. At times I would stare at my keyboard, “Christ, now what?”. I had nothing to say. But somehow it seemed the same at her side, often I’d notice the ‘typing’ indicator at the end of my texts, fill myself with hope that maybe she has something to say and it won’t be on me to surprise her, and indeed she knew how to yap. The conversation had gone on smoothly, like the say, “a bad beginning may lead to a good one!” the dawn of our conversation had been a terrible one.

I don’t know if you guys have ever engaged in really cold conversations where the only thing to talk about are the informal greetings.

You- “Hello”

Her- “hi”

You- “ts’up”

Her- “nothing”

You- “how was your day?”

Her- “hectic!”

And now you start debating the knowledge of letting her talk more about herself or you do the talking which also tends to have its tricky part considering the fact that you have to choose a topic that won’t expose you entirely yet not shield you that much.

But somehow we had it at a fine art. Talking about interests and stuff that wasn’t at all the others’ business. Staff like childhood crushes. Well for me I was at a safe side for it was one or two but for her, she seemed to collect lovers the way other kids collect birds’ eggs. We also got the chance to discuss our childhood misfortunes. Ohh God, she also had a nick for misfortune, like the time she was convicted the night before her birthday for tacking a pic at some private place in Washington. Her parents so busy they hadn’t planned for the party, so she had her time in a cell…

Finally, after some four hours we decided to add a little intimacy to our conversation. It was time we knew each other in rather physical terms but apparently neither of us found that much pleasure in personal pictures. she e mailed me her gallery and the only pics there were of state buildings, her cat and loads of music, she really liked Nicki Minaj. We had to go on without the pics coz neither of us had one of themselves (or one they’d wish to share with the other!). Fortunately, somehow that didn’t startle the conversation, it instead spiced it up. Now we had to discuss how none of us had a photograph of themselves in their damn galleries.

At around 4:00 am, I remembered how I had travel plans, it was a pity as I had to say my farewells on condition that the next time we chat we’d exchange pics. Which is why I keep a pic of myself in my gallery. The next night I kept my status active, as a matter of fact I was active the entire week, she was active only twice and each time I either missed her or she did me. We’ve never had a chat ever since. I still have the pic I intended to send her, just in case. And I do intend to send it to her the moment she comes up, until then, I’ll be her one-night stand, and she will be mine….

It hurts a little, but I thank God for the moment He gave me even though He couldn’t make it last…

Enoch.m


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481 Reviews


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Sun Jun 07, 2020 7:23 pm
Que wrote a review...



Hi thepages!

Q here to review your work today. This feels a lot like something that really happened to you, but I'm going to make some suggestions about how you tell the story, and if it's based on real events, then you can make sure to keep it consistent with how things happened if you want. ^_^

I’ve always wondered what the essence of pictures is. Well, that’s until I came across this, one of my old time pics. Not the best quality but then that’s not the reason for this writing, it’s rather the story behind it. The beauty and sense of selflessness embedded in the scene itself.

I'm not quite sure what you mean by the "essence" of a picture--given the rest of the story, I wonder if something like, "I've always wondered why we take certain pictures" makes more sense and is more compelling in the context. Just to draw the readers in a little more! I know it's a modern story, but "pics" just feels a little bit too casual, and maybe you should use either "pictures" or "photos" instead.

Abbie, for such was the las’ name (obviously her real name is shielded) happened to be one of those girls with peculiar taste. The kind of girl whose conversations are more like addictive drugs, once she starts replying you can’t ignore. Her flash speed alone would keep the chat flowing, so frequently you forget who you had texted just moments ago.

I don't think you need to say that her real name is protected here; it doesn't make as much difference to the readers, so you can just leave it as Abbie and know that it's a placeholder name. I believe "lass" has two s's as well. Quick question on the last line--"you forget who you had texted just moments ago"--is the narrator forgetting texting Abbie? That doesn't quite make sense, but there's no context to indicate that the narrator is trying to, say, text another friend at the same time. It might be better if you say forgetting the late hour or to brush your teeth, or to reply to a call from your mom. That might help to give the feeling of being absorbed by this conversation to the exclusion of all else!

I didn’t know her at all and neither did she, but somehow she could twist the barrier of being total strangers making it seem we have been friends for some time now. ... Ever since I signed up to Facebook this was the most awkward conversation I’d had.

I think you might want to reorganize this paragraph a little. It seems strange to mention how well Abbie converses, and then discuss the narrator's awkwardness. You're looking back on this, but it might be helpful to be a bit more chronological. Maybe start with the narrator's awkwardness, questioning why they started this conversation, wondering what to type next and feeling self-conscious. After that, you can talk about how Abbie can make it seem as if they've been friends for a while, and mention relief and no longer a need for self-consciousness.

I don’t know if you guys have ever engaged in really cold conversations where the only thing to talk about are the informal greetings.

You- “Hello”

Her- “hi”

You- “ts’up”

Her- “nothing”

You- “how was your day?”

Her- “hectic!”

I'm not sure how I feel about this part. It's the only example of dialogue you give, other than the introductory facebook post, but it's an example of a conversation which isn't actually occurring. I do think that it helps frame the situation, because we've all had this kind of conversation, but I don't think it needs to be it's own chunk of the story. Maybe just add on to the first line I have quoted here, "...informal greetings. It's back and forth with, 'Hi' 'What's up' 'Not much, you?' 'Nothing' 'Okay' etc." Also, you go into second person here by mentioning a "you." This is set up a lot like a reminiscence, so it seems like the narrator wouldn't be sharing something with "you" but rather themselves. I think you could easily make it all first person by saying, "I've sometimes engaged in really cold conversations..." etc.

Ohh God, she also had a nick for misfortune, like the time she was convicted the night before her birthday for tacking a pic at some private place in Washington. Her parents so busy they hadn’t planned for the party, so she had her time in a cell…

I wish you could convey a little more of the narrator's feelings here? Talking with a stranger who's been arrested would probably bother some people, so does the narrator see this differently? Intrigued?

Which is why I keep a pic of myself in my gallery. The next night I kept my status active, as a matter of fact I was active the entire week, she was active only twice and each time I either missed her or she did me. We’ve never had a chat ever since. I still have the pic I intended to send her, just in case. And I do intend to send it to her the moment she comes up, until then, I’ll be her one-night stand, and she will be mine….

You started this story on the last day of the holiday, when the narrator took a picture of themselves. But we never actually see the picture taken! Since we started morning of and then went back to the night before, it would be good to add to your conclusion a jump forward again to thinking of the conversation, and taking a picture to have for next time. That would just make it come full circle really nicely, I think. :) Other than that, nice ending! I think it's not what most people think of as a one-night stand, but it's really interesting that way.

Overall, this is a really neat story! It's interesting what relationships can form in strange ways and what people we will never meet again. You do have some minor grammar issues throughout, mostly spellings and a few awkward words, so remember to watch out for those when you're editing! This was pretty nice to read, though. :)

Good luck on your writings, and feel free to let me know if you have any questions!

-Q




thepages says...


Thnx for the review.



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Points: 340
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Fri Jun 05, 2020 5:28 pm
slothyyy wrote a review...



sloth finally doing her second review.

i will bring up anything i find that is confusing, and/or messed up.

some moments are a little switchy. around the middle some things change. it is very hard to follow. most things are fine and then you contradict it in another spot.

like the last line. it should be broken up with periods.

you show that you aren't bad with them before, so it shouldn't be like that.

i'll go back to my hole.

[sorry for my broken keyboard making everything lowercase.]




thepages says...


hello...thnx for the review, this was a quick draft, un edited.
let me see how to re do it following your points...
my keyboard also tends to make everything lowercase, and i have to manually promt it otherwise.



thepages says...


hello...thnx for the review, this was a quick draft, un edited.
let me see how to re do it following your points...
my keyboard also tends to make everything lowercase, and i have to manually promt it otherwise.



thepages says...


hello...thnx for the review, this was a quick draft, un edited.
let me see how to re do it following your points...
my keyboard also tends to make everything lowercase, and i have to manually promt it otherwise.



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31 Reviews


Points: 1173
Reviews: 31

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Wed Jun 03, 2020 9:44 am
thepages says...



what happened to the pic.? sorry everyone, the upload had a pic... apparently it didn't make it through the publishing process!





This planet has - or rather had - a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much all of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movement of small green pieces of paper, which was odd because on the whole it wasn't the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy.
— Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy