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Young Writers Society


18+ Language Violence Mature Content

The d*********** of Pendra Josephyne

by thepages


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language, violence, and mature content.

The de-encuntment of Pendra Josephyne

Chapter one

How romantic of you!” I almost whisper in an attempt to sound sexy to the naked pile flesh, muscle and bone posing on my bed, “say, darling; is my company welcome?” I ask so as I catwalk my way to the queen size rose-petal covered bed.

Be my guest.” Replies, with a wide grin on face a one fellow of firm build.

I growl as I slowly crown onto the bed. My dress askew in directions here and there, my red underwear flashes a view fully intended for the purpose. “Junior here seems quite exited!” I start as I feel my partner’s chest, all bulged up as is from workout. He smiles as I draw closer, grabbing his hands one at a time and cuffing them to the bed. This done, I feel his torso down to his abs, literally sketching out the out marks. He shudders as I grab hold his prick in my hand, a sigh following suit.

Do you think you can take me?” I ask rather childishly as I rub up and down his member, feeling him throb as well as sending a wave of shiver up my system.

Try me!” he dares, and as if on cue I bend down, gulping at his cock to the cods.

Quite a natural, you are.” He compliments with a loud groan as I lift from my bend, positioning myself just above his stiff standing dick. I position it to my orifice of pleasure and gently slide it fully inside with a passionate sigh of my own.

Ima ride you like hell,” I comment, jump starting to a frenzy,

Whooooooow, chill little devil” he begs as I go on faster to my satisfaction. “Slow down girl, I’ma pop!” he yells out again to no avail as the pleasures with in me rise to fire themselves.

Yes…..yes….”I say out loud still in a frenzy “yes…”

“Tring, tring, tring…….”

I look around still riding like hell

“…what….”

“The fuck……” Pendra woke up with a start, a loud one might I add with a spasm of bodily juices flowing out her still quivering features. She turned to her bed-side alarm clock, still ringing like hell and gave it a hard clash of the palm before reading the time.

“Six thirty, right!” she said the words with a dread in her voice so practiced. Throwing off the covers, she sat up and stole a gaze at the pleasurable mess she had done to her sheets, then dismounted her bed to the showers. Hers was a one room self-contained living apartment, that’s if we aint counting the small board-walled space that lodged a bath tab, sink and latrine. In here, she dried herself, and hair, then moved out the showers naked, ‘cept for a black bra and thong that brought out the chubbiness of her callipygian features. She put off the messed on sheets and threw them to her laundry basket before going for what appeared to be the lounging area, only to notice an enveloped letter pushed down the space between her door and the floor. She made for the envelope, tearing it open and uncovering but a single picture with an address, time and name.

Dr. Mackenzie Griffith

Rogue bar n club

08:15pm

“Mackenzie,” she said with certain tingle in her tone, “sounds familiar” she continued with a bounce to the kitchen island.

Carrington, name after an infamous underground lord was a city fully established, a great contrast to its criminal origin. Business houses, acclaimed pharmacies, quality residentials and other financial establishments paraded the sides of roads, just as they probed for the sky above them. There, in-between streets 24 and 26 was the only establishment of its kind. As a matter of fact, Carrington’s was the only establishment that told tales of the land that once was. A one story flat, Carrington’s was the definition of ill repute. The top story being a doll house, the ground level was Rogue bar n club, finessed of all in a ten mile radius.

Pendra made her way to the bar n club, clad in a black leathery crop-top, plus a similarly leathery skirt whose length hardly made it qualify for one and a pink knee length jacket posed paces before the two bouncers guarding the door. Without so much as a look, the one on her left opened her way in, stealing a glance back as she cat walked her way in


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935 Reviews


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Thu Aug 26, 2021 7:52 pm
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Shady wrote a review...



heya thepages,

Hope you're well! Shady here with a quick review this fine day. Let's get started...

sound sexy to the naked pile flesh, muscle and bone posing on my bed


This is an interesting language choice. Describing the figure as a "pile" and pointing out the visceral part of the description is anything but "sexy" and doesn't really set the smexy scene I think you're going for here. Maybe look for softer language? Like, describe things more seductively -- maybe mention the outline of his chest or his strong jaw etc. etc. instead of just calling him a pile of flesh.

“Be my guest.” Replies, with a wide grin on face a one fellow of firm build.


Think you're missing a pronoun here. Actually, there are a lot of grammatical issues with this sentence and the more I read it the more I'm not quite sure what it means. I'd suggest you take another shot at this one.

~

Overall, you definitely had an intense start to this story. I ordinarily don't like starting a story with a dream sequence, but it's an interesting setup to this one since it seems like she's an escort of some kind aside from the dream.

I think it's important to consider the tone you want your story to take. I read the blurb below and it seems like an interesting premise, but at the moment all we've gotten so far is smut. I mean I'm interested in who Mackenzie is and figuring out how Pendra fits into it all. But if I'm honest it's not the strongest hook I've ever seen. Right now my attention is very much focused on the dirtiness and not so much on the actual plot. Which, if that's what you're going for, that's fine! But if you're intending for this to have a plot outside of simple smut then you might want to spend time building up to a stronger hook by the end of this first chapter.

Hope this helps!

~Shady




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Thu Aug 26, 2021 1:01 am
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creaturefeature wrote a review...



Hello hello.

Haven't seen anything spicy on YWS before I have to admit. This is a site for young writers though, and I mean, I wasn't writing anything past superheroes and fantasy forests back in those days. It's not a bad surprise though, and I've never commented on something like this in a reviewing way before, so it's a learning experience.

Now let's get into it. It's not really that vulgar honestly, and it's more implicit than suggestive. There's always a fine line between writing a scene that is lewd and not showcasing the whole shebang and showcasing it in a way where it is freely discussed. Usually when aiming for something that you self-describe as "dirty," you'd imagine it would get into the details. I'm not a fan of hardcore, go right into it kind of things, but there is some point in hiding the nitty-grit where it just feels like missing out.

Some sentences set the scene well and would be appealing to someone who is just looking for filth as a mean to enjoy it alone as that - "I almost whisper in an attempt to sound sexy to the naked pile flesh, muscle and bone posing on my bed, 'say, darling; is my company welcome?'" is a great example, even if it would cater to a very specific audience with its strong time-period orientated language choices. Risqué literature written long ago is actually fun to read when you get past all of the questionable areas.

Other sentences I've seen do not do that. Most of the ones I'm looking at here are just comedic in tone to me - "Slow down girl, I’ma pop!" is the one that caught my eye the most because it would totally ruin the mood. I get making jokes when in an intimate setting like this if you laugh with your partner, but no one is laughing here as I assume you just didn't mean for it to come across as a joke. If you did, I'd clarify somewhere in the description or something because it is hard to tell, at least for me.

Now, I think naughty humour to be honest. I do realize that you can either inject spice with humour or inject humour with spice, and this is leaning towards the latter of those two. Some people make their whole career out of those kinds of things because people want to watch it happen and actively seek it out, and good for them. If someone were to read this expecting something that is more on the raunchy side, I don't think the general reader would enjoy it assuming they are over 18 and this isn't their first time doing so.

What I'm trying to say is that this has a small audience of people who would enjoy it to the brim. Some parts appeal, some parts might not. Writing is never going to be totally perfect no matter what happens in it, but I'd suggest playing around.

Happy writing.
-- chi




thepages says...


thanks for the review, i will have to revise the scene after that. the work itself isn't focused on the sex scenes as yet, only that the "about" section of the publishing process called for a very limited number of characters.
anyway, here's a description:

when a had-to-be assassinated victim survives this unfortunate fate, they take it upon themselves to change the status of said fate from hunted to hunter, after all the best defense is an offence, a creative one might I add.
Pendra Josephyne, female assassin infamous for chopping off the reproductive apparatuses of her male victims finds herself in a rather shitty situation after a failed mission. Waking up in one of those torture-chamber like spaces Pendra discovers that not only had the doctor she had to kill survived, but had also taken it upon himself to gift his uncanny assassin with the gift of one marvelously built male reproductive appendage. The road to a new life filled with lewd and numerous perversions begins. Hold tight, for it%u2019s a bumpy ride.

will work on the scenes though.




It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.
— Albus Dumbledore