Published April 18, 2010
A quick poem. I just wrote it to feel better.
When I look in the mirror,
I dont even know who I am.
Who is that person?
I dont even recongnize,
the boy that use to be there.
Where is he?
"He is long gone."
There is always a crack.
A crack in the mirror,
in his smile,
on his lips.
"You can never be complete,
even if you wanted it to be."
The voice in my head was getting to me.
Tears began to fill my eyes,
my breaths caught in my throat.
The reflection just stared and laughed.
"You will see now! Look at yourself in the mirror.
You will never be the same. You're no winner!"
I stared at myself and cried.
I knew what I had done,
and so did he.
When would this pain be over?
"Never."
I turned and looked away.
I never want to see my own reflection again.
Because he'll always be there,
there in the Mirror
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This is my favorite piece of the whole poem. There is a very nice image in these few lines, which I feel like could be fleshed out into it's own poem, if you wanted to.
For the rest of the poem: you might want to play with line breaks. Your lines are uneven and that can affect the flow of the words. You want to pay attention to where the emphasis is placed.
Also, a lot of your lines end in a puncutation mark. I would suggest messing with emjambment a little. It can have a nice effect, especially for emotional, tense poems.
Some of your lines rhyme, but I couldn't determine an exact rhyme scheme. Consider moving it all out of rhymes, or make the scheme more concrete.