I've been another person
For what seemed a brief time,
I've had fun playing this character
But I've always known
There's no escape whatsoever
They told me I was going to be fine
They lied,
I lied
To them and to myself
The universe doesn't seem so bright now
The world however,
It scares me
Deeply
I know it's my fault
Somehow I don't belong
Not here
Not anywhere
Where do I belong,
Does it need to be so hard
So complicated,
Why do I have to refuse
Fight back
Why do I need to keep myself away
What's myself anyway
A lesser version of somebody
Of what I have to be
Of what they want me to be
Do I have to keep myself close
Or simply push myself away
Like they already did
Like I always do
To remember,
That's my note
That I'm not free
Free from others or from my masks?
What is it like to be free?
What does that even mean?
Who calls me in the middle of the night
It's my inner voice
Saying it's all over
Telling me that I'm overthinking
And fantasizing
And loving
Believing
Falling
Daring
Dreaming
And only pretending
To know who I am
And what it takes
To be me
And at the same time,
somebody else.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,009 Literary Works • 672,837 Reviews
Hello, priceofwords here!
I really liked how you conveyed so much emotion in a poem. It felt like a sort of deluge of thoughts as well as feelings, and I felt almost buried, but in a good way. It was different, which I liked.
However, I think in some cases you need to work on your rhythm. It's good in poetry if you suddenly have the occaisional shorter line; it adds tension. However, I think you have way too many of these, and they make the poem feel a little fragmented. I get that this may have been your approach because of how the narrator is feeling, but if you just control it a bit more it will still convey this with out feeling so broken up.
But it was a really great poem, with a few punctuation errors here and there. I suggest you go back over it to edit it again or something. Also, I get that it's personal, and I think considering that then you've done a great job, it's really emotive and frankly a pleasure to read. Try not to worry too much about finding yourself and whether you are being who you think you should be, we've all been there don't worry about it. You'll find yourself in your own time and by then you'll know the kind of person you want to grow into. You'll be able to tear off the 'masks' you think you wear sometimes.
Please keep up the writing, I look forward to reading more of your work!
priceofwords
Thank you! %uD83D%uDE0A
Heyy lonelybug! Here to review cuz I missed review day and I feel guilty lol XD
You prolly felt really good when you finished this poem just because you were able to get all your thoughts and emotions and questions out on paper. I've never been able to do that in poem form. So good job!!
Yet, this seemed like a bunch of jumbled, confused thoughts without a main theme or point. I think making one solid theme throughout this poem would take it up a whole new level. It's up to you what that theme would be. Self-doubt, self-discovery, self-reliance, fear of yourself, fear of the future, etc. All these seemed vaguely present in the poem. Pick only one and center the whole poem around that one thought.
Poetry writing style aside, I'm worried for you! You seem to be looking for answers and for yourself without success. I'd encourage you to go to God with your questions and search the Bible for answers. I've always found the answer there. And in Christ, I know who I am. And I'm positive you can find the peace and joy you're looking for in His gospel. I'd love to talk about it with you sometime. :0
Good poem overall!!
Hiii! Thank you! Yeah, sometimes I just let it all out...and most of the time I don't even know what I'm writing because I'm in so much pain. It's twisted I know %uD83D%uDE02 anyway, I'll post more poems and so on, because this one was one of my last works and I'm not entirely sure about it. There's something that bothers me about it, I don't know. Thanks again for the review and feel free to message me if you want to talk %uD83D%uDE0A