My First Attempt at a Sonnet

by thehumanroach

Published November 2, 2009

Thoughts of a Silent Romantic


As time draws on, we older grow and part,
Our tired lives still fail to link as one,
And schisms occur in my lonely heart.
Still I search for love, I've so come undone.

Filled with passion for one I've yet to grasp,
I plead for mercy to the Lord above
To set my spirit free from her strong clasp;
To from another quench my thirst for love.

Yet I remain lost in this endless maze,
Awaiting the morn that I wake to find
That she dares to return love for the days
I once wept, and brings a peace to my mind.

Still I wait for when these two strands have bound.
This morning must come, if love can be found.

Comments & reviews · 6
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thehumanroach Comment
thehumanroach commented Comment · Nov 3, 2009

Thank you Zerkk! :smt003

*and Blue Rubies =P

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zerkk
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zerkk commented Comment · Nov 2, 2009

Lack of time this morning permitted me from finishing this morning, I am sorry.

So to continue, I really enjoyed the poem, The Iambic Pentameter was fine, the rhyme scheme was correct.

I liked the smooth flow of the Sonnet, Next time I would space out the three Quatrains and the Couplet. It just makes for easier reading :)

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thehumanroach Comment
thehumanroach commented Comment · Nov 2, 2009

Could you guys point out some of the exact errors in a couple lines? I'm afraid that I just don't get what I did wrong, and I'd like to know for next time. =P

Thanks in advance! :smt002

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zerkk
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zerkk wrote a review Review · Nov 2, 2009

Blue rubies hit the nail on the head.
except for one detail that is missing, A Sonnet is the iambic pentameter.
The way you use the Iambic Pentameter is what makes a Sonnet, a Sonnet.

A crash course on the Iambic pentameter.

- 10 syllables in each line
- 5 pairs of alternating stressed syllables

An Iambic foot is a unstressed syllable followed by an stressed syllable:

da ~ DUM

A line of Iambic pentameter is 5 pairs of Iambic feet:

da ~ DUM / da ~ DUM / da ~ DUM / da ~ DUM / da ~ DUM

No more on a Sonnet:

A Sonnet is made of three quatrains and a couplet.

The Three quatrains usually present the same question written or asked differently

The couplet generally introduced an unexpected sharp thematic or imagistic "turn".

The usual rhyme scheme of a sonnet is a-b-a-b, c-d-c-d, e-f-e-f, g-g.


I hope this guide helps you more with your Sonnets to come! Good luck.

If you have any more questions please feel free to PM me at any time!

-Zerkk

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Blue_Rubies
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Blue_Rubies commented Comment · Nov 2, 2009

Wow! That's pretty good for a first attempt! The iambic pentameter could be better, if you actually care about that sort of thing :roll:



It's easier to come up with new stories than it is to finish the ones you already have. I think every author would feel that way.
— Stephanie Meyer