Young Writers Society

Yes, it was just written when I was a bit down and in a thoughful mood.
But clearly not a particularly articulate one lol

I don't get it, what are you trying to say in your poem?

Are you angry about something or are you just depressed because it sounds like something I might write when I'm depressed.

Hmmmm. Maybe it needs a teensy bit of revision???? lol
I'll have a look at it, because I see what you all mean and I think I could probably make it better if I put my mind to it
TBR - wtf????????!!!!!!!!!!! I don't understand you, woman!!!!

If fate loves you why can't it let you get over it already. GAH!

I like "And my mind is in decline" and
"For fate, hope and reason
Irregular heartbeats
Twisted feelings
The rain almost an aphrodisiac
Just acknowledge me please"

everything else didn't do it for me, but this stuff was really good...so just KILL the rest o it. lol.

-Jumus

This poem was okay. It needs more imagery

Buses are one of the best places i know for inspiration. I like this and i know the feeling(as much as one can know anothers feelings) well. I felt that at times it didnt roll off the tongue quite as easily as it might but otherwise good work.