A face against a screen of
Pale glass, dotted with sweat.
In a dream that's true
But devoid of reality.
The long, pale fingers that scrape
Down my back
Through my hair.
Around my mind:
Confusion
Compression and I can't breathe
I can't see,
I can't feel,
And I
Scream.
My own face in that glass.
The drugs that have made me high,
All gone.
Twisted
Fucked up
Try to fast forward,
But it goes on forever.
My long hair
Tangled in the fingers
That don't belong to me.
Deja vu
And a sense of longing for
Someone I've never met.
Everything has happened before;
Again, I stand under the streetlight
Afraid to go forward,
Unable to go back,
I stand there as my life stops,
But the world is spinning.
I can't remember what happens next.
Keys in the door
Body on the floor,
As I drown slowly and softly
Out of control.
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
I've edited this a bit, using some of Elephant's suggestions, and my own...not much done, but just a bit of information!
i really like the first stanza, its cool and has very vivid description. the mood seems very...distressed.
the second stanza is kind of choppy. choppy isnt neccasarily bad, but it doesnt really work with the first stanza since it flows so beautifully.
the 3rd is interesting, i like the "deja vu" thing. this part:[i]keys in the door
body on the floor,[/i]
kinda bugged me because it rhymed whilst the rest of the poem didnt.
i loved;"as i drown slowly and softly out of control."
overall, this was a really interesting poem, if rather confusing, but i think you probably intended that...
My....unexpected! lol
I also used to have (and still occasionally do lol) some kind of prejudice against punctuation...but I have now realised how, well...useful...it is.... 
)
I see what you mean...and actually, yeah...what you've suggested is a good idea. I think I was kind of experimenting with layout and stuff, and I was trying to do a kind of run-on pattern...which I have to admit, didn't really work
....But in all fairness to me, I was fairly...*ahem*...shall we say 'away with the fairies' when I wrote this.
(Ok, I was wasted...
But I still like it, and I like the amendments you've made...so thanks.
I ws wandering around the pages, and found this. I know it's sort of old, and I am commiting Necromancing but I like this. Anything induced by drugs has got to be at the least interesting, I mean look what Coleridge did with opium - Kubla Khan. So here it goes...
- what a way to be begin. But the second sentance isn't capitalized, yet the third is, and there is no punctuation. It should be pale glass, dotted with sweat.
- do the PUNC as backroundbob would say. This needs so refining. Here is my opinion on how it should look.
The long, pale fingers that scrape
down my back,
through my hair.
Around my mind:
confusion
compression
and I can't breathe
I can't see,
I can't feel,
and I
scream.
- but that's just me, oh and the confusion, compression... is my favorite part.
- also here you need to use the PUNC. Put commas at the end of lines like the above. I also think you should break up the 'try to fast forward...' line to
try to fastforward
but it goes on forever.
- also do some punc editing in this as well. Get rid of the elipses on the 'I can't remember what...' line. My favorite part of this stanza was the keys in the door / body on the floor part. Nice.
I really like this, but I feel it would be better if you style edited it, with punctuation and capitals. At first you used capitals at every line and then gradualy as you go along, things become lowercase: was that intenional?
Hope this helps.
EL
Hmm... this poem made drugs sound like fu-u-u-u-un
I liked this. It was pretty sweet.
By the way, I'm the girl fate hates.