Young Writers Society

Hi! Welcome to YWS!! Thought I'd drop in for a quick review.

This poem is simply AMAZING!!! I loved it. In this age of competition and materialism, this poem has a great relevance and importance. It portrays the condition of the weak and the sad so well.

I did not notice any grammatical mistakes as such. Writing phrases instead of complete sentences somehow made the poem more realistic and emotional. You used punctuation marks wherever required and the words were written well. I liked the rhyme scheme.

Now coming to the actual content of the poem. It was full of poetic emotions and thoughts. I don't have many words to describe its beauty. All I can say is that I loved it very much. You rarely get to read a poem which is so beautiful and simple (yet something mysterious). Your creativity and talent shines in every line. Keep up the good work!

Hi! I'd just like to start off by saying that this poem is so relaxing to read. Especially since you don't really use full sentences throughout. I also just loved the line "A stand still at the edge of the world." That being said, this i don't think this is going to be a very long review, but let's get into it, shall we?

So I have four small things for you to look out for which are kind of nitpicky.

The first one is that stand still should be one word. Stand still and stand still have two different meanings and from the context of the rest of your poem, I think standstill is the thing you were going for.

The second is your punctuation. So you're fine with capitalization, but you have a comma after every line in your stanza but the last one. I think the flow would work better if you had a full stop after the first two lines of each stanza, so adding a period at the end of them.

The third thing is the line "Halting the heavenly skies". I agree with myjaspercat that you should take out the "the" so that the flow is a little better.

The fourth is your line "with no future; with no past". I think it would work better if you took out the "with" in "with no past". Although, I feel like you might have a syllable scheme that I'm not getting.

So some other comments.
I'd just like to put it out there that I basically had no idea what you're saying in this poem, especially in the third and fourth lines of your stanzas.

I think I do get that with the first two lines, you're comparing the "material" If each person to their personality. I thought the way you did that is super cool.

Your repetition is wonderful. With many poems, repetition can get well... repetitive, but with your poem, you're able to make the repetition varied and interesting. There's the "a stand still at the edge of the world" which I mentioned before. Then there's the "beyond the". I also liked how you bring back all the middle lines at the end of the poem. (Ahh I feel like those lines are important but I'm just so terrible at analysis).

Anyway, I hope this review was helpful!

Wow okay so I am here to leave you a review if you do not mind!!! Personally I loved this, there is a few errors but nothing I have seen very major.in the second stanza I personally would add a "s" on the end of backwards..
Then when you say halting the heavenly skies, I would take out the word "the" I'm that line.
I noticed that you have commas at the end of every stanza. I'm bit sure if you know it or not but you don't have to have commas all the way through it. In some places you can add a period instead of a comma, to in my opinion make it more complete, less of I guess a run on.

I want to say that with his piece it was pretty good. I like the rhyme scheme you had going and I like the story I got behind this poem. It really ran smoothly and sounded as if it was all meant to go where it did, luke the words and the rhyming didn't sound forced to fit.

Welcome to YWS!!! And I hope to see more work from you in the future. I want to thank you for sharing this piece. Keep writing!!!:)

~bvbAngel<3

Hey there thefreakfantastic, welcome to YWS!
Myjaspercat here to leave you a review

Nit-Picks

Weak will; bending backward,

Halting the heavenly skies,