Abort! Abort! They cry.
It will all end in discord they say.
Hearts broken,chest cut open,
becuase of words unspoken.
Or mabey that which was already said.
They were misled,
the truth hidden behind your back
in a flask.
One drop would have cured the wound,
but instead you saw it as lemon juice on a paper cut.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,011 Literary Works • 672,841 Reviews
hey, thedairist , I really like the idea of this poem, it is very inclusive, and it says a lot without actually saying it which I think is the right way to go. The execution of the idea is where you need to improve(in my humble opinion), what I think you should go for is, or what I would have gone for with this idea is a structured, a more specific or grounded narrative which went in a certain direction whilst alluding to the set of ideas, with that you can show the reader that you have a better understanding of it, and you are in complete control of what you want to say, this poem though it flirts with that its the lack of structure that left me confused as to what you exactly want to say. This all being said there is real potential here and I hope you keep growing as a poet.
All the best keep writing :0
Thank you so much! I will work harder on my structure.
Hi there!
I know it is late, but welcome to YWS! I hope you enjoy it here.
So I am going to start off this review by telling you that I. Love. This. Poem!
It is soo deep and it really speaks to the reader. I just have a few tips and then I'll be done!
First one:
When you start the poem, people are talking. So I would write it like this:
"Abort! Abort!" They cry.
Second, you misspelled "maybe," But that is fine! We all make mistakes.
I am looking forward to more work from you!
I'm glad you liked it, I'm just starting out so thank you much for the advise