Cut Up Poem I

Heya, Sky! GooseLuck here to do a review for you, so let's take flight, shall we?

The first thing I have to say about this poem is definitely the flow. The choppiness is just so adamant, and I think that could be easily fixed. Read it aloud and put punctuation in where it's natural and try to work from there, and I think that you can come up with a solution yourself.

Another thing I noticed was you have punctuation on the inside but not really the outside of the lines, and that was something that bugged me. Partly because ofthe point i stated a minute ago, and partly because of my OCD, so I would suggest trying to fix that.

Your imagery is okay, just there's a lot of different ones and I think you could use just focusing on fewer ones than what you have. Pick out a few images, stick with them, and just use lesser images as place holders, if that makes any sense. Anyway, onward.

The other thing is, I don't really find a story in this, it just seems like cutup pieces of poetry mixed together to formulate lines and words.. Oh wait, that's what you were going for xD. Took me long enough. If that was your purpose, then bravo, you did it.

Other than that I don't think there's really much I can say, I hit all of my points.

That's all I have to say on this one and I hope it helped.

Keep on doing what you're doing and keep on keeping on.

Sincerely, GooseLuck

Hey this is your friend PUSHEEN and there
Are some things I would like to say to you
And that is you are a very good writer and
I like the way you write and I was thinking
Why don't you put the three poems all together
Because if you did it would be really cool and
It would all go together, like right at the end of
The first poem it flowed right next to the other
Poem and mixed together nicely. Also I like when
You kept adding the words from the the other
Poems and to me I liked that because you had
Then in all three of the poems but here is he thing
You put then in different orders and I really liked
That you put then all in different places because
The words that you used we're very well written,
And that is what I look for in a good poem.

There is one last thing that I would like to say to
You before I go and write another review an that is
You are a very good writer and you nee to tell every
One that you are, and if you are planing on writing a
New poem or story please let me know because
I would like to read it and write a really long and good
Review so that you can read it.

Hello!
I appreciate that you're doing poetry exercises. That's always fun!
Excuse me if I don't read these all word for word. I'm not sure there's really a purpose.
I just want to compliment you on fantastic words chosen. They all sort of have the same bright mood and happy connotation. I like the phrases you chose too. You really did pick words and phrases that are pleasing to the ear. I'm also glad you explained the purpose of this exercise, otherwise I would definitely have complained about how just randomly putting words together doesn't really count as a poem, but if you're doing it to grow your skills in poetry, I think it does count, and honestly, the words here are so pretty that I'm not sure it matters anyway.
I just generally like to see more cohesion between images, because then the poem not only sounds pretty but it also means something more than what it seems.

You did a nice job reordering this so it did have a little bit of meaning. I admire your courage in editing and just going for it, though I'm not sure what to review here. The words are all nicely written and beautiful, like I said before.

You may want to check a couple spellings though in your introduction! Espeically the first word.

I'd be interested to know what you learned from your experimenting!

Let me know if you have any questions, and keep writing!
~fortis

Hey there!
So this reminds me oddly of a sestina. It's nicely strctured so that the lines fit in several different places. Your imagery is also vibrant; while reading it, I imagine I am in a coffee shop, it is raining, a girl is crying over a lover perhaps?
It is sort of cryptic, but upon a couple reads one can get the full picture (pun intended, ha).
Favorite lines:
"Preserved in leather bound books
Like Pressed flowers
Lipstick stains on poem paper"
This reminds me of a song by Tom Rosenthal.

Overall, an interesting read!