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140,552 Literary Works • 673,424 Reviews
Hey, Pinkdinosaurs here to review
This poem is really meaningful, and has a lot of true potential. If you were to put pauses it would have gave an even more effective plot to the whole poem, you know like a dramatic pause, which would be really awesome, but it's up to you of course. I found this really interesting to read because the title 'Misery' was intriguing to start, but once I read to first sentence i was pulled in so much faster, and I loved it!!! So much!!!
~From Pinkdinosaurs, xx
Okay, love, let's review this.
I feel that since you described the incident with your father and said that it drove you to express like this, I shouldn't review this as harshly as I normally would a poem.
Your hurt and emotional trauma is explicitly clear through the hushed lines and lack of punctuation and breaks, which gives it a rushed tone. It's very good and powerful, but a bit heavy. The reader can feel the burden you do.
I also urge you to seek help. From what you have described, your relationship with your father isn't healthy.
If you ever need to talk, I'm here, and so is all of YWS.
Keep writing and stay safe.
- verymaryanna