"Love at first sight is for dummies", I remember telling my friend as she spoke about her summer fling. It was the summer of 2008, at least the end of it and we had just gotten back from our summer break. Since I had just gotten back from India, I was completely tanned and full of new experiences. After the routine of hugging and complimenting each other on our "new looks", we waited eagerly for prey: the newcomers (sounds mean. doesn't it?) The newcomers were like the gazelles, always scared and waiting to bolt from the rest of us. So they came in. They were two of them. With big, scared eyes and nervous, trembling hands. And then you came in. Time just stopped. At least to me. You were the most beautiful person I had ever seen. Tall, confident and absolutely stunning, you grabbed the attention of the entire class. You started introducing yourself. That perfect voice, I could listen to you all day. And then suddenly it was over. I was snapped back into reality as my friend nudged me. Everyone in the class was clapping and I joined in, dazed. You smiled at us. And that's when I knew. I was completely in love with you.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Hmm, well this one starts off with a very interesting first line there for something that currently has this title...almost makes you a little apprehensive to read it knowing that whatever wholesomeness lies within this doesn't survive till the end of the story.
At any rate, I love the little ironic nod of how this person totally dismissed the notion of a love at first sight before they end up falling into the same thing themselves...in what is actually a pretty nice little scene here. We've got the setting being laid down...in just about enough detail that it can be pictured relatively easily here...and then of course we have the actual moment, which manages to come out pretty wholesome there. It definitely seems like the million other similar scenes we've all run into in movies but to me at least those scenes are never going to fail to be awesome so this one works quite well.
At any rate, I think this is a lovely little start here, there's always the sense of impending doom as well what with the title of this piece..so definitely an interesting piece here and perhaps something I would actually continue reading here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
I'm gonna digest this line by line and pick out things that catch my eye, okay?
Comma should be inside the quotation mark.You could get the same message across in 'We had just gotten back from our 2008 summer break'. It already implies it's the end of summer when you've returned from break.
Would be nice if you could reword this to avoid the redundancy of using 'gotten back' two sentences in a row.
Thought this was nicely done by fitting with the writer's tone and simplifying what we need to know of the experience and showing her priorities/interests.
Liked the added word 'routine' to show her mentality being outside of the standard cultured thinking. 'New looks' should have apostrophes around it, not quotation marks, since someone's not actually speaking it at this time.
Period should be comma.
Nice analogy. Though, this might read better without the second 'the'.
'There' instead of 'they'.
I wish I could've seen more specifics in the description of how this boy was an exception to what she had told her friend earlier. I mean, it's interesting she reflected on that, but if even if you do believe in the love-at-first-sight thing, there should still be something for the individual that triggers it other than him just being 'the most beautiful person (she) had ever seen'.
Hope this helped. happy Review Day!
A story about swooning I take it? First Miss Narrator declares her thoughts about the stupidity of "love at first sight" and then she finds herself swooning over a newcomer. Completely in love with a guy she only just met and probably doesn't even know his favorite color. Sounds liken to a typical high school fling that starts out shallow and then becomes either deeper or more shallow.
Okay, while this was a good start, I'd like to talk about a few things. So far the only character that I have even the slightest idea of what they look like is the guy the narrator is reminiscing about. I'd like to see a few more details regarding the appearance of the characters. Also, this felt a little bit rushed. Take time to describe the setting and how the characters interact with each other. Judging by the title, I'm predicting that this fling isn't going to go well, but still I'd like to see how it works out for the two of them. Also are the chapters supposed to be set up like letters? If so, I suggest that you put a "Dear...." and a date at the beginning of each.
Anyway, this was a good fresh start. And welcome to YWS.
Hey! Thanks for the review. It is based on what actually happened to me! I will improve upon the points that you just said