A Walk Through the Park - Part 1

Despite the fact that this was rather short, I quite enjoyed it. If this is supposed to be a chapter, you might want to add a little more to what is happening right now.

"Looks that can kill" seemed a little vague to me. Try to include a short description of what these looks were and why they could "kill".

Your description for this chapter kinds of contradicts what is actually said here. In it, you say: "A brief stroll..." Here, it says: "... two hours in constant fear..." Brief means a short duration of time. I don't know about you, but two hours seems like quite a long time to me.

There is nowhere else where I believe improvement is needed. Overall, I quite enjoyed reading this. I hope I wasn't too harsh with my review.

Hope this helps, and keep writing!

Hello, Xanthe here

Firstly, Welcome to YWS. I hope u like it here. I know I did when I joined.

I liked this a lot but it can be made better like everything can. I know this as good as anyone. All mistakes can be fixed in editing.

I liked the topic, how it was an ordinary event with a not as ordinary twist to it. I liked the description in it too.
"A dragonfly, in it's metallic blue finery, flew about near the pond, it's wings making a dry rattle sound." I loved this line.

Now onto the mistakes. I am not the best person at pointing them out, I am sorry if I have missed a few but I hope it helps.

When you introduced Jonah, I got rather confused. I thought your main character was saying it until you mentioned it later in the paragraph. I would suggest maybe saying something like this.

"Maria?" A boy says from behind me. I freeze then I turned my head, slowly, taking a risk."
(hope this helped)

Then I saw that you said "2" this should be written as "two". Lots of people do this but its correct to write it as "two"

I also saw that "N-Nothing." it should be a comma. I fear I am pointing out mistakes other people have covered. Im sorry for that.

I hope to read the next part Keep writing and if you need any help feel free to ask me.

Hello and welcome to YWS! I'm Kev, and I'm going to review your piece

You instantly caught my attention. The subject matter concerning stalkers can be unsettling, but in a good way if you're trying to draw in readers and keep them invested enough to see what happens: and I'm one of those readers!

Since this chapter is short and doesn't have a lot of character description, readers will be expecting one in the next few chapters. We want to know why Maria is being stalked, by whom, and get to know and connect with these characters a little more. Making sure that the characters are diverse and interesting is key!

I found a few grammatical mistakes and I'll just point those out so you can fix them, easy-peasy.

1.) In your second paragraph, you need to indent when there's a new speaker (Jonah).

2.) You might also want to indent after "Maria?". I thought that maybe the narrator was speaking when it was actually Jonah.

3.) I ran, or rather, I threw myself at him...
You can take out that second I so it reads 'I ran, or rather, threw myself at him...'

4.) "N-nothing." I lied.
You need a comma instead of a period between nothing and the quotation marks. Just a little typo.

A dragonfly, in it's metallic blue finery, flew about near the pond, it's wings making a dry rattle sound.

I just want to point out how much I *love* this description of the dragonfly. Simple sentence, but a beautiful one.

Keep up the work and let me know when the next chapter is up!

Hello and welcome to YWS!!!
First of all, this was quite good. Very suspenseful, very intriguing. It arouses a lot of questions from the reader. Your writing style was great!
Now, one thing I would recommend would be to add a little bit of a back story at the beginning, maybe building intensity in the chase or something. Also, have a bit of an introduction for Jonah.
"...A friend of mine..." is a little bit sparse, I think.
Darn it, it was so short!! Are gonna write some more? Because I would totally read it!!!
PEACE