Okrol - extract chapter 1

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: This is a fun start to a story right here...we've got a person just coming back from a hard day's work...and just kind of doing their nightly routine before falling asleep peacefully.

Anyway let's get right to it,

It was the festival of Giving-Light and the village of Spreast slept quietly under the moon's grace. Or at least it seemed that way. Under the steadily falling snowflakes, Okrol was still awake, in a small room, on a small farm, just outside of the village.

He had come back late from hunting alone in the near-by forest, looking for a last minute auction submission. Hopefully it would make some money for the farm. There was no prize from Okrol's hunt though; darkness had moved swiftly in, and everyone knows – 'the forest is a dangerous place in the dark'.

Well this is an interesting start here, we've got a description of a relatively calm and sleepy town there and someone coming back into it from being outside in a dark and creepy forest. It certainly makes for a very interesting contrast that gets your attention quite quickly there. Nice start at any rate.

By candle-light, he combed his long brown hair, peering into the mirror as he hurried. He was late, and needed to be in bed and asleep by twelve. It was tradition to do so on the eve of Giving-Light, and meant he would be refreshed and replenished for the first moments he was awake tomorrow. Tomorrow would be the celebrations; a time of peace and giving and the happiest day of the year.

Hmm...well looks like things are going along pretty normally there, just someone getting ready for a nights sleep...I like how we've got hints of some kind of important festival coming up, gives the readers something to look forward to there.

Spreast was the only village left that celebrated the ancient festival, but they did it in style: free beer and free food were available, followed by a day and night of dancing to the traditional, magical sounding flute concert. The village hall would be packed with residents, and at the end of the night, before the clock strikes twelve, adulthood ceremonies would take place, followed by blessings and – the 'Giving of Light'.

A bit of a tangent like part there, but I think its short enough and the information given is useful enough for this particular infodump to be excused here. This does seem like it would make for a really interesting festival there.

Okrol had finished his regime now and lay comfortably on his bed, thinking about the coming day. He knew his adulthood ceremony was a long way away. Being an adult in Spreast wasn't a matter of age, but a matter of attitude and wisdom, combined with age. He lay there and thought – 'What have I ever done for the village. I'm no hero.'

The house was peaceful and only the faint snoring of Okrol's father, Belphin, could be heard. Okrol didn't mind though, it was homely and was what he had grown up with since his mother's death.

Ready to embrace his dreams, Okrol rolled over onto his side, blew the candle out, and fell asleep in the darkness.

Okay..well, this does feel like a complete first chapter here..there's the sense of anticipation for the festival the next day but this scene winds down nicely here and does come to a well and true ending there...which makes for a neat ending.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, a solid looking start here...seems like it could be a bit interesting here...this festival is definitely intriguing. Well...at any rate, that's all I've gotta say for now.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry

Hey, just here to review

So...I think it's a great start, has lots of potential, but I did notice a few things here and there I'll just nit-pick out for you.

Okay, so in the beginning maybe you could introduce it as the Prologue, which is just a beginning section to the book that gives the reader a good example of what's to come.
I thought of this basically because what you've written has the potential to be really quite gripping, and could pull the reader into the story from the word go.
The first line -

It was the festival of Giving-Light and the village of Spreast slept quietly under the moon's grace. Or at least it seemed that way.

Well I'm sort of accustomed to writing a certain way, and I go over stuff and re-write all the time. So when I read this, I shuffled it around a bit and found this...
Under the graceful light of the moon, the small village of Spreast slept quietly. From afar that was how it seemed, though a young man named Okrol was busy hunting alone in the nearby forest.
I don't know...little sketchy but that's how I saw it. Ignore me if you don't like it
Next...

Under the steadily falling snowflakes, Okrol was still awake, in a small room, on a small farm, just outside of the village.

Just there's too many comma's...? It kind of makes the whole sentence a little jolty and confusing. Try let it flow together a little more.

It was tradition to do so on the eve of Giving-Light, and meant he would be refreshed and replenished for the first moments he was awake tomorrow. Tomorrow would be the celebrations

Repetition of tomorrow? Try morning or...at dawn.

Ready to embrace his dreams, Okrol rolled over onto his side, blew the candle out, and fell asleep in the darkness.

If he blows the candle out...do you need to put that he is falling asleep in darkness? I just noticed that it might not be necessary, because he wouldn't be falling asleep in the light...would he? :/
Rolling onto his side, Okrol blew out his candle and let the room sink into darkness, falling asleep in dreams of his destiny.
Overall, I really liked it. Would definitely read more
Great start, keep going!!!

x

Here to review for you

I don't know what to say about these paragraphs. I can't say that I was pulled in at the very beginning. It just seemed too vague, if you know what I mean.

It was too loose, for example:

It was the festival of Giving-Light and the village of Spreast slept quietly under the moon's grace. Or at least it seemed that way

I don't exactly know what you wanted to do with this, but it was never mentioned again in those paragraphs, at least.
Maybe foreshadowing?

Being an adult in Spreast wasn't a matter of age, but a matter of attitude and wisdom, combined with age.

This was a little confusing, maybe you could've put instead of that but this:
"Being an adult in Spreat wasn't just matter of age, but also a matter of attitude and wisdom."
Puts a little more sense into it

All in all, I would read it if you expanded, but right now (just in my own opinion) there were too many plots introduced and not very many of them were expanded on.
Just my opinion, but I do like it