The Enchanter’s House
Adam awoke. He got up, stretched, and looked out the window. While he was occupied with the breathtaking view of the mountains and forest, his bedside table switched places with a nearby chair, and then moved a foot to the right when Adam went to sit down. He fell to the floor hard, and returned to bed to recuperate. The bedside table snickered.
Fifteen minutes later he went downstairs to fix himself a cup of coffee. While he was in the kitchen, a spoon began to incite the cutlery into a revolt against him, only to be stopped when the black cat Bartholomew sat down upon it by accident. After he had had his breakfast, Adam left for work, leaving the house to itself. Some time later, Bartholomew got off the spoon and joined the white kitten Stella beside the roaring fire in the living room. The spoon, which was bent and had lost all of its dignity, got up and fell into the sink.
Suddenly, someone rang the doorbell. After a few minutes of silence, that someone rang it again. Again, no one answered the door. This was followed by a brief period of silence that was finally interrupted by the sound of glass shattering. Bartholomew jumped up from his nap and raced down the hall towards the source of the sound.
The floor of the den was covered in glass shards, there was a large jagged hole in the window, and a big rock lay on the Persian rug. A teenager wearing a generic t-shirt and jeans was struggling to fit through the hole without cutting himself on the broken glass. Bartholomew entered the room just as the boy slipped his other leg through the hole. Staring at the cat in surprise, he stepped down off the couch and patted him on the head. Then the boy left the room and went down the hall to the kitchen. He opened a couple cupboards, but soon was frowning, and he turned to go upstairs.
Just then, the cutlery drawer popped open, and the bent spoon crawled out of the sink. As the boy closed the door on the kitchen, he heard and felt several thuds against the door. Quickly he swung it open. Impaled against the wood was a multitude of forks, knives and spoons. Alarmed, the boy slowly backed away, then ran upstairs. When he reached the bedroom, the boy pulled out drawers and flung open the closet door in a frantic search. He pocketed several bundles of cash, causing the shirts hanging in the closet to wrap their sleeves around his neck and throttle him.
The teenager ran towards the bedroom door, which shut and locked itself before he could get through it. Suddenly, a trapdoor opened up in the floor, and the teenager fell through to the basement, where he was promptly tossed into the furnace.
Meanwhile, Adam arrived home, and patted Bartholomew on the head, none the wiser to the events that had just unfolded.
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140,804 Literary Works • 673,688 Reviews
Check out my poem:http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic57002.html
I wrote it a while ago, and I think it may have subconsciously inspired this story...
Thanks for all the reviews you guys!!
First of all, I agree that the ending is gruesome.
Ifwhen I expand this story, I will work on this. I don't think I would be good as a full novel (I've already ideas for a series about a modern wizard in an city setting.) But I think it would be good as a short novel (a novella?)In response to Ranger Hawk's comment, the shirts start strangling the guy in because he takes the money, his main objective for breaking into the house.
Also, I originally thought about titling this story "The Enchanter House"...what do you guys think???
Hey there, I just wanted to say that I loved your story! It was entertaining and I wish it wasn't so short. There was just one thing that I noticed.
If he was being throttled, wouldn't he be struggling to free himself? There's not a lot of emotion from him at this moment.
Other than that, I loved your story all around, from your writing style to the idea itself. Are you going to expand this at all into a full-length novel? I think it's got great potential.
Hiya Thajaro! Welcome to YWS
I loved this little story. I enjoyed the way the house was trying to play tricks on its owner and the way it protected the house. Although it was a slight serious matter (the house being broken into) you made it into a slight jolly affair with the house attacking the intruder.
There were some areas I noticed where you could have done with a comma or two (where Bartholomew got off the spoon and joined Stella at the fire). Reread some of those sentences aloud and you will defiantly notice the natural pauses.
The ending, amusing as it was, was slightly gruesome. Did the house really have to burn the intruder? I understand you were pressed with a word limit, but still. A little gruesome for such a light story.
This is just my opinion: You could elaborate on it more and turn it into a longer short story describing the day's events from the house's point of view. Or even the cat's. It would be greatly amusing
One more thing before I go, I enjoyed the description you used throughout it.
Meadow
I rather liked it, although personally I would change some of the wordings, but that's just minor details. I enjoyed how the furniture and everything had personalities, and how the house revolted against the intruder was quite amusing. I hope to see more from you in the future
Thanks for the review! I wrote this story for a contest a little while ago and the submissions had to be under 500 words. Count 'em, there's EXACTLY 500.
So that's why its short. Thanks again for the review. 
I love the witty humour with moving cutlery and the cat. I only have one complaint, you described everything very well up until the end were you justa flung the teenager into a furnace. It felt to rushed for me. But other than that very good I cant wait to see more of your writing I have a feeling that its going to be good.
~Lydia