Published December 3, 2011
Let's go! To lands unknown,
To the depths of love,
And the crags of hatred,
False, and crumbling.
Run through the plains of same,
Don't lose yourself in the fields of conformity,
But let us take flight,
Let the winds of faith,
And the rays of hope,
Buoy our path into the skies of life
Where we shall land on the stars of our future.
No longer pinioned down by others' opinions.
But no matter where we venture,
Promise me one thing,
That even when we flirt with the edge of Chasm Death,
Even when we walk through the bogs of misery,
Plagued by the shadows of fear,
May you never take your hand from mine,
Let our goals forever be intertwined,
So we can find our way
Home.
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140,373 Literary Works • 673,125 Reviews
A powerful and riveting message. It worked just right. Not too many details, or too few descriptions. Flowed like a cascading river. Nice job!
LOL LOL LOL Birdy that was an awsome pun you just made that you may or may not realized lol. Hey T! can i call you that cause my name starts with a T as well! (instant follow). lol anyways dogs here for your review. My favorite part of this poem is your huge variety of vocabulary you use. It really draws the reader in and it makes your poem flow really well. I really like the message in this, the entire idea you are trying to tell us. But definitely, love... the... imagery! Such great descriptive words that makes this poem sound especially good!
Although i do have a few quick nit picks, firstly when you say:
"Don't lose yourself in the fields of conformity,"
This is a great line! But it's a couple syllables in comparison to the last line. THis line is fantastic but it just throws off the rhythm you had going on so well.
"Buoy our path into the skies of life"
Best line.... soooo good.
"That even when we flirt with the edge of the chasm of death,"
Again great line, but just a tiny bit to long. You should either replace some words or take some words out or totally ignore me lol. Anyways just a side not, i don't like the word "flirt" in this line. it takes away the strength of it. When i think flirt i think of lame kind of fakey teenage love where they are only dating each other for their body which would totally kill the idea you are conveying in this piece.
"Even when we walk through the bogs of misery,
Plagued by the shadows of fear,"
I love this line, it really paints a strong image in the readers head.
All and all i really liked this piece. Keep up the good work!
TuckEr EllsworTh
Oh. My. Gosh. Stop getting better at writing and let me catch up, Tally!
This is so true. I love the imagery and everything. The end is awesome. Seriously, stop being so good of I'm never going to catch up to you!
Anyways, question time. Do you have anyone in specific you're writing to? Because it kind of sounds like Tally's in love. *Sigh*
How adorable!!!!
Love your poem Tally!!