I Am Glad You Are Gone

King here

First of all, I like the main messege of this work. As a poetry, it has potential and it could reach the reader if it was improved a bit more. It lacks the examples or the lines which makes the reader really believe in your story and how mad you are to the one you can not forgive for everything they have done to you. Maybe some events that make you feel this way and memories to add into the poetry? I did not find any kind of issues with the punctuation or the grammar, I am glad for that. The other thing is that you repeat the same words too many times, it just make it seems like you know no other words to say and I am sure this is not the truth. Anyways, maybe add synonyms to words you have already used into the poetry and do not use the same word to start the lines.

You never look at what you done to me

Ever since it started I knew you would never be the right one to be there

Hello there,

Thank you so much for speaking out on this issue and writing about it. The world needs more people who are actively increasing awareness about violence and manipulation. I have been a victim of domestic violence myself, and I always appreciate hearing other perspectives on it. I love the way you express how you were stuck because of the lies and manipulation of the abuser. It looks like the more specific things have already been touched on here by other reviewers, so I won't be too picky. You have emotion down quite well, and your form, for the most part, is excellent. I would say that you can be a bit too repetitive at times, but I don't really have anything else critical to say. Keep up the good work!

Tiger

I really feel sad for the person that had to go through all this

So! This isn't really a review, because I would have a very difficult time telling you how to express such personal feelings but....

So, there is a somewhat odd (and also frustrating tbh) poem format called the sestina that I think would really fit the style of this poem. Essentially, its a 6 stanza poem, where each stanza has six lines (The link has a seventh verse, but I personally find them to often be redundancy Your call, though. The main fixation, is tht you pre select a set of six words, and those are the only words you can end a line with. Each stanza has a shuffle of the order of these lines, with the main constant being that the last line of the previous stanza will be the first of the following. The exact order is in the link, but honestly its your poem, so it's always ready to be broken.)

You already repeat a lot of words, and I think this format would give that repetition a lot more power. And the way sestinas stack emotions and actively make use of enjambment (using momentum of the previous lines/stanza to drive the next forward, seems like it would fit the topic of the poem as well.

Also, from experience, the thought process in writing this can be very cathartic once you get the words right. Sestina's have made me feel the more...clear, in a sense, than my attempts with other styles. Sometimes the best way to expand and improve, is to limit yourself and let tings burst out naturally.

Hello! Tigerlilly here for a quick review!

This poem had a lot of emotion- which is most definitely a good thing- however was lacking good imagery to back it up. You relayed a bunch of thoughts and feelings, some being very repetitive, especially when you kept repeating the words "You" and "I". I feel like this could be so much better if you described things a lot more often. For example:
"I tried to cry for help but my cries were drowned by your persistent lies and manipulation."

This line could be improved by adding in how she manipulated you/narrator and by adding in some of her lies. Just try to make things seem more real rather than giving me a stream of events and tid-bits of emotions that don't really pull my heartstrings like I want them to. I feel your emotion (for the most part), I have the events laid out for me, I just don't have the imagery and details that tie everything in. Without those details and imagery, the reader can't truly make an emotional connection with the narrator in the poem, because it doesn't feel as real to them. I hope that makes sense.

Overall, this could use some improvements. However, I really think that if you edit it and add some more key details and imagery, you could make this a very powerful poem. Anyways, have a nice day and keep writing!

Hello!

There is a lot of emotion built into this poem, which I think is awesome. It felt like a huge release of just all this emotion that had built up over time. It sounds like whoever you are talking about is not a friendly guy.

I like how the tone changes in the second half of the poem. In the first half I got more of an anger vibe from it, but in the second half I got more of an almost sad vibe. I think that's pretty cool that you are able to switch tones midway through the poem and have it still work coherently.

You had me very emotionally connected to someone, who I didn't even know their name or what happened to them exactly, so I would say you did a good job.

Hey Empires here with a review!

The title of this poem was inviting and interesting as the usual feeling is of missing someone or nostalgic about their absence but this poem was centered around a person who was hurt by someone and is glad they are gone so they can finally have peace. That is just my interpretation of it. There are some suggestions I have which might be of help to you.

At times the poem felt quite repetitive as you often used the word, "You" or "I" without much variation so it became redundant. It began to read more like a rant and less like a poem. Perhaps adding in more compelling imagery or metaphors to convey your rage/hurt/disdain for the other person as at the moment its a lot of "telling" and not much, "showing", and in poetry we tend to show and not tell.

"You have inflicted nothing but never ending pain and suffering"

This line felt a little long so maybe breaking up the words a bit, perhaps removing the word, "nothing". This would be a great line to add in a simile to illuminate the image of pain.

"You go around making people think you are a saint
You can’t go around now and try and say you’re a saint
People know you are no saint"

The word, "saint", is repeated three times near the same stanza so it loses it effect. These lines also are more or less saying the same thing, perhaps removing one or two of them. You could add in more religious imagery to contrast, its a nice addition. But it sounds all too generic right now.

"You never look at what you done to me"

Here, I think "did" would fit better than, "done".


"But soon it was over and everything was at peace

Or so I thought"

Some punctuation is needed here, maybe a full stop after "peace".


"I tried to cry for help but my cries were drowned out by your persistent lies and manipulation.

I want someone to care about me enough to be interested in what I am interested or at least pretend"

These lines were far too long, it would help the flow of the poem if you split up the poem into stanzas. Shortening them would help and adding in some synonyms for certain words to get the message across clearer and with less words would help.


Hope this review helped, Keep writing!


-Empires

Welcome to YWS. I hope you enjoy your stay, regardless of your purpose. My name is Gummy, and I'm here to review this debut piece of yours. The format for this review is relatively short and sweet. I'll start by reporting on the good points of your piece first before proceeding to pick at any nit I could find after reading the whole piece over a few times. Let's get to it.

The first good point that I just found in this piece is that it sticks to a single topic without straying on tangents or anything of the sort. I feel like domestic violence is a very serious issue that affects the receiver to an extreme degree that can scar the victim for potentially the rest of their lives. As for the lines that spoke to me the most, I'd like to cite the 4 last lines of the poem:

"I want that someone to be you

Ever since it started I knew you would never be the right one to be there

I will never have that

Thanks to you"

The first few lines of the poem speak about the effects of the whole situation that the victim is going through and how this victim is being used as a scapegoat to cover up the whole thing while painting the abusing party as "a saint", according to the speaker. In the latter part of the poem, however, we see how the speaker is willingly working in this position as the scapegoat because they still have feelings and desires for that person...

We don't always see females as domestic abusers; since the very beginning it's "always" been the big, strong man letting loose on his partner. The last thing I want to do ever is demonize women, but I'm only saying that women are capable of performing acts of domestic violence against their partners.

The bad aspects of this particular poem are few, since the grammar is pristine and the message is crystal clear, but there was one line that I found a little vague and could use some more explanation:

"Until something happened again and again."

Call me ignorant if you really need to, but I really wanted to know what that particular inciting incident is that restarted the entire cycle...

In my own personal opinion, I think that this piece really tugs on my heartstrings because I know it speaks to tons of victims who would rather keep quiet about their own similar issues. I seriously expect to read more from you and review another piece as well-done as this one! Keep writing; I can't be the only one who really enjoys your work so much! Best of luck in your future endeavours, and take care,

Gummy~