I was driving down the freeway on the way to my business meeting. It was around 6 o’clock, and the sun was shining in my eyes. The cars in front of me were barely moving, and I felt the void of esurience that was my stomach rumbling with hunger. I hadn't eaten since the night before. I checked my watch. My meeting starts at 6:30. I only have half an hour to quench my ravenous appetite. I looked for nearby restaurants on google maps. The only options were a Taco Bell and a fancy 5-star Italian Cuisine that would surely take too long. I came to the realization that I would have to go to my arch nemesis, Taco bell. The last time I went to the Taco Bell, I fell into the deep fryer, and had to languish in the hospital for three weeks. But I had no other option.
I stepped into the Taco Bell. The first step into the room, I felt something sticky on my shoe, trapping me in its clutches, wishing for me never to escape. I walked up to the employee, a high school student, at the cash register. They seem to have spilled something on their shirt. Whatever it was, it smelled wretched, and was a disgusting green color that made me want to throw up. I looked at the menu, unsure of my preference for I had only been here once before. I asked the employee, Garry, what he suggested I consume. “I LIKE TACOS” he said with excitement. I shake my head in disappointment, I guess I am on my own. “I would like the doritos cheesy gordita crunch supreme.” Garry came back 5 minutes later carrying a large basket of nacho fries. “Oh wait, did you want a TACO”. After I cleared up the misunderstanding he scurries back to work. From the kitchen I hear him say “OOPS, I MADE A MISTAKE” and I hear a crash. A while later he comes back taco in hand and stuffs it in the nacho fries. At this point, there was no sense in correcting him, I just paid for the taco and fries and sat down to eat.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Nicely written, but I have a small question. Why is this labeled as romantic? I can't find romance anywhere in here. Maybe you clicked the wrong button?
Congrats, tb1962! This is an interesting story. Taco Bell is my arch nemesis as well, lol!
Now, this needs a little work. First of all, make sure to remember the importance of brevity. Words like 'esurience' sound really cool, but it'd probably be better if you just said that your stomach rumbled. Also, on the second paragraph, you used it's (meaning it is), as opposed to its, (meaning belonging to it). That's nitpicky, but I'd still watch for mistakes like that. Also, watch for punctuation errors in your use of quotations. I'd also look out for overusing capitalization. Capitalizing dialogue isn't something you want to make use of a lot, or even at all. If you want to emphasize a word, italicize it. Also, be careful with tense. 'I asked the employee', you say at one point, and then later you state 'I shake my head'. You're switching between past and present tense. Pick one, and stick to it.
That probably sounded really negative, but trust me, I liked your story! It has a lot of interesting humor to it, specifically with your spot on descriptions of fast food. I'm looking forward to reading whatever else you can come up with!
Congrats, tb1962! This is an interesting story. Taco Bell is my arch nemesis as well, lol!
Now, this needs a little work. First of all, make sure to remember the importance of brevity. Words like 'esurience' sound really cool, but it'd probably be better if you just said that your stomach rumbled. Also, on the second paragraph, you used it's (meaning it is), as opposed to its, (meaning belonging to it). That's nitpicky, but I'd still watch for mistakes like that. Also, watch for punctuation errors in your use of quotations. I'd also look out for overusing capitalization. Capitalizing dialogue isn't something you want to make use of a lot, or even at all. If you want to emphasize a word, italicize it. Also, be careful with tense. 'I asked the employee', you say at one point, and then later you state 'I shake my head'. You're switching between past and present tense. Pick one, and stick to it.
That probably sounded really negative, but trust me, I liked your story! It has a lot of interesting humor to it, specifically with your spot on descriptions of fast food. I'm looking forward to reading whatever else you can come up with!
Good job.
Feedback.
I liked the way you used the words ‘ravenous’ and ‘esurience’ to describe the character’s hunger. Also, great work making Taco Bell sound evil by making their costumer service sound horrible.
Corrections.
I found no major mistakes, but when you do quotes sometimes, you either don’t punctuate or you put the period behind the quotation. Really good job on making no mistakes though.
Suggestions.
You did a really good job on this short story. However, (it’s not really a mistake but) you should indent more often. Also, you bold a lot of your quotations unnecessarily.
In all you did a great job; keep up the good work!