Hi taytay20016!
Congratulations on posting your first work, and a huge welcome to YWS! 
The previous reviewers mentioned all the grammatical errors, but I still wanted to throw in some of my thoughts. This was difficult to read, and I highly suggest you check out the link PrincessInk gave. For right now, though, I'll just remind you to put a space after you finish a sentence, and begin a next one; and also put a space after a quotation mark.
So this...
The next morning she woke up to her brother Logan paul vlogging.”Oh hey the boys are coming over later”said logan.
... should look more like this:
The next morning, she woke up to her brother Logan Paul vlogging. "Oh, hey, the boys are coming over later," said Logan.
Do you see the spaces I put in, to split up these sentences? It makes it much easier to read. Also, you should always capitalize a person's name, as I did with Logan Paul. I noticed you were off and on with that - for example, sometimes you used "Eve" (proper), but other times you left it at "eve" (improper).
I don't recognize any of the people in this story, with the exception of Logan Paul! Haha, I used to watch his vines like crazy. It was kind of interesting for me to read some fanfiction about him, and I think it's great you gave it a shot. But back to my main point. You've classified this as a short story, and it is a very short story, but you haven't given us an introduction to these characters. What their thoughts are, what they look like - goodness, I didn't even know they were singers, and you don't mention it again after they record their single. I don't even know where they are when this begins, or how Jack found Eve's number, or even how the boys met her. I would like some more information on this Eve, and the boys, as well. Then, you suddenly add some more characters: Corbyn, Christine, Aspen... Who are these people??
There is a lot going on in this story, but you've summarized it all up! It's okay to slow down, and explain what's going on, instead of just telling us. For example, how did Eve discover Jonah cheating on her? Did someone tell her? Did she see Jonah with Aspen? How'd she feel? How dramatic was it when Aspen punched Eve in the face? Was there blood, screaming, a fight? What was Eve's reaction?
You're doing a lot of telling, but no showing. I encourage you to check out this awesome article, or even this one on Show vs. Tell.
This story has a lot of potential, but it needs a lot of clean-up right now. Please do give us more specifics, details, and emotions. I'd love to see what this could be.
Hope this helps!
~rosette
Points: 16802
Reviews: 276
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