Olivia

Hey, Taylor! Here to review

I liked this! I thought it was intriguing and I do wish it was expanded into a story. You've got us hooked to something and we're never going to find out the answer! D:

My comments are in bold.

Hewarned us of the creatures lurking in the night, “they’re multiplying. They’re almost here.” I liked this! I thought it was an interesting first line.

Days and nights filled with chits and chats, thrusting and loving, Is it possible to change one of the words here so that the two words begin with the same letter? You have some alliteration already which I really like but this breaks it up. pestering and pampering will disappear before I can even say “wait."We didn't see it coming. No one did but, as we all know, everything that is living has an expiration date. Here, you switch between future and past tense. I'm confused: is this a flashback? A warning from the future to the past? Some are sooner than others. Why does it have to be so soon? Now, we’re counting down the weeks, down to the days, down to the hours, minutes, seconds, milliseconds. When will the time come? Where does it go? It’s slipping through our fingers like grains of sand on the beach we once walked along on late summer nights. Here you switch between what seems like a general message to one that is directly aimed at someone. Which one is it? If it is the latter, then perhaps a new paragraph would be better. If I captured every single grain into a glass jar, will time then stand still? Will we stay in this moment forever? We'll never have to say goodbye. We can hold hands. We can lie beneath the stars together. We can stay this way forever, my love. I promise, the creatures will never find you... But they watched you sleep. They waited until the days were short and the nights grew long to take you away. I tried to wake you. Here again, you switch between the two tenses and that makes it confusing.

“Wait..”Great last line!

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I see that you're new. Welcome! I hope you enjoy YWS and everything.
This little piece got me quite interested. Is it going to be part of a longer novel, the prologue, perhaps?
You've introduced two main characters and another he who warned them, and some creatures who sound like they're baddies. And a sense of danger. There's a lot of suspense in this. It's good.

"It’s slipping through our fingers like grains of sand on the beach we once walked along on late summer nights. If I captured every single grain into a glass jar, will time then stand still?"

The first sentence of this bit feels too long, slightly awkward. The second sentence just doesn't really make sense because the answer is obviously no. Also, it should be would time then stand still, not will.
The other thing to look at is the speech. I don't know why you've put the speech in italics but it's fine. What you do need to look at is commas before speech, capital letters at the start of speech, a new line when you start speech from a different speaker and when you end speech. Here's a link if you want to look at that more fully: http://www.grammarbook.com/punctuation/quotes.asp
Other than that you have a great grasp of grammar.
This is quite short; I think it could be expanded to give more information. My review has to be longer than this!
I think you've got a nice grasp of grammar and some good imagery in here, like with the minutes, seconds etc, apart from with that bit I pointed out earlier.
You've got a really good writing style. If you decide to expand this or it is going to be part of a longer thing then I'd be happy to review, just send me a message.
So, welcome to YWS! Enjoy your stay!