Black Bird

by tawnydaily

Published October 20, 2011

(This is my first poem on here and I really don't know what I am doing :) )

Black bird,
why do you cry?
In my head,
i wounder why.

Black bird,
you sing so sweet
But inside you're head
You have been beat.

Black Bird,
why do you cry?
Black bird in me
Why did you die?

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
davantageous
Review
davantageous wrote a review Review · Oct 21, 2011

Nothing more than an amazing poem. nothing needs to be changed for this to be better. I understand everything said and can identify with what you said. This is talent and i will follow your work from now on, just based off of what i just read. Great flow and creativeness with the symbol of a black bird.


Black bird,
why do you cry?
In my head,
i wounder why.


Capitalize the "i" at the beginning of the fourth line; change "wounder" to "wonder"

User avatar
kaylamarie004
Review
kaylamarie004 wrote a review Review · Oct 21, 2011

I must say, this isn't my favorite because it needs alot of work. The first stanza
Black bird,
why do you cry?
In my head,
i wounder why.

I think you meant "wonder" instead of "wounder". Obviously you need to work on your own grammar checks before you publish; but no hard feelings, just trying to help you out here.

One thing i noticed is, while reading this poem, it kind of gave me the idea that you wasn't really sure what you were talking about or what you were trying to let the reader see beyond your words.

I think you should write a rough draft on a piece of paper or whatever you feel comfortable with. That way you can do a spell-check and read the writing over and over again until you, yourself, know what your trying to say and explain in clearer meanings what you want us viewers to know.

You don't want your reader confused, you want them to understand how you feel so they will be admired by your work.



The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.
— Marcel Proust