Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and mature content.
I sat there for quite a while , before it happened . Before nature took it's tool. Slowly , dawn came across the velvety black night , like a ray of hope crackling it's way through a universe full of chaos and disarray . The midnight sky was steadily being enveloped by the subtle merging colours of pink , orange , tangerine and magenta . To me it felt like , the world was a huge canvas and nature was the artist spinning yarns of magnificent colours on it. The silent spell of night had been lifted by the dawn . As the birds cooed and chirped , reviving their companions from their woody dreams there seemed to be a kind of lightheadedness in the air . A light breeze blew , ruffling through my hair leaving me stunned by the mesmerising scene of beauty and surprised by the contentment I received in natures company..........
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
Hi tanvi,
This is such a beautiful piece! I loved your descriptive imagery, it really transports the reader to a beautiful sleepy sunrise. "universe full of chaos and disarray" is an excellent phrase, and the canvas and yarn description is just amazing. I would love to see more of this detailed language in perhaps a longer piece? For me, this work ended too quickly! I enjoyed it so much while it lasted!
Please keep writing! I look forward to seeing more in the future:)
Ooh! Your imagery was magnificent in this, and the word usage was splendid. But before I get on to the actual review, however, I have a couple small things to say.
1) I think you should change the category. To me, this wasn't really an essay or an article, but it's not a short story, either. So I think if you categorized it as 'Other' that would be good.
2) Formatting: I don't think it needs to be centered. It just makes it seem a little off, and there's no need for that.
Now, for a couple nitpicks.
See those spaces you have between the words and punctuation marks? You don't need the spaces. When you have them, it makes it look a little weird, and it gets a little hard to read after a while. So it would be like this:
I sat there for quite a while, before it happened.
No comma neccassary here.
Yikes! Way to many periods. You only need three (...)
Like I mentioned before, your imagery was truly amazing. I loved it. The color usage, vocabulary, and just imagery was fabulous.
The actual piece also had a nice message to it. Great job!
I hope this helps!
~ EternalRain
I really loved your use of appealing to the senses. You used timing to great effect, it gives the since of being their and it brought me in. I loved the way you listed the colours, bringing in every single detail. I also like your use of simile. Your use of adverbs was amazing and I felt as if I was right there with you. It reminded me of the times I felt at peace in nature. I really enjoyed it.