Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.
I can only love you when I'm intoxicated and you don't say much
We are strangers, so you can literally be anyone I yearn for
So long as you don't say much
We are strangers, so we can pretend to be intimate lovers
please just don't say much
I've had more to drink than the words my ears have heard you uttered
But I still love the "you" I have come to imagine.
In the morning,
I wake up only to realize
time does not carry the weight of alcohol's infatuations.
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125,012 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
Really really good! For starters I was intrigued from the beginning. I liked how you described the girl as mysterious, unique, and interesting. I like this girl in the story. She is just living life the way she likes. Its honestly is accurate people sometimes feel this way when they want to feel numb. Sometimes we want to escape what we really feel. If only there was a switch to turn our feelings off. And even sometimes we are left broken. Are hearts are broken. That is okay because we cope we do what we can. Great Poem. sorry I rambled, but I liked the subject. other may view this poem differently. I have my own perspective. Keep writing!!(
Sometimes we use alcohol as an escape to invincibly feel "love" Thanks for your comment
heggo! XD
This work is really harsh: 'I can only love you when I'm intoxicated and you don't say much'
I mean, I love the expression but still... it sounds really mean XD
As for the actual writing, it is very impressive.
You have punctuated selectively.
eg. We are strangers, so we can pretend to be intimate lovers
please just don't say much
So there are pauses in the appropriate places.
My favourite line is this one: 'time does not carry the weight of alcohol's infatuations.' There is some quite deep and philosophical about it for some reason.
Great job.
Woah. That was profoundly accurate. I would write a review, but I can't really say much...
I love this
it is so true
Hello there tallsunflower,
This is very good. I love the idea. This is so true in life a lot of the time. I won't be too picky, since I'm in a pretty good mood and this is your first work on here. But there are some things to pick out.
When you post poetry, a good reminder is to capitalize every line, even if it is the middle of a sentence. Your capitalization is pretty choppy, I don't think you had a pattern to it and if you did it wasn't very obvious.
I loved this piece, like I said. Until the ending...
Sometimes all you need is a couple words, but I felt like this ending was pretty dry. It just needed...something more.
Overall, I was very pleased with how relatable this was.
Good job, keep writing!
--Cam
do you think it would be better if I ended it at "time does not carry the weight of alcohol's infatuations." ? Thanks for your review!
hmm yes I do think that would sound better. then it would not have as much of the less interesting part... That would actually make this a lot better. I think with that ending it would be a 9/10 it is an 8 now
I...wow.
Just. Wow.
This is a very, very well written piece. The wording and idea behind it are just..phenomenal, and when I got to the end, it really hit me like a brick.
I really enjoyed the lines,
"We are strangers, so you can literally be anyone I yearn for,"
and
"But I still love the "you" I have come to imagine."
It really gave a sense of the narrator perhaps missing someone, or yearning for the one that never was?
Very well done. I enjoyed this piece a lot. Keep writing!
~~Ayden