Published September 2, 2011
OK, my poems are really inconsistent, some are good and some are bad, and I don't really know where this one falls... I kind of just wrote this, I had a random inspiration and had to use it. CONSTRUCTIVE criticism, please!
No one helps a dying cricket.
It lies there calling out.
Could it be a scream?
To us it is just a sound that fills
The nothingness in the night.
No one strokes its back,
Or wipes the tears from its eyes.
They can't seem to find it
In the sharp blades of grass.
Do they even wonder
Where it might be?
No one feels sorry
When the sound dies out,
When the screams stop,
Or when the soil soaks up the last tears,
Because all it means
Is that we can finally sleep.
ehh... don't really know what to think of this..l
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139,372 Literary Works • 672,541 Reviews
I hate doing this, but i have to disagree with Confetti. I feel the two closing lines flowed fine, and personally I really like those lines. Never have truer words been spoken! I really like this poem, and i will never think of crickets the same way again.
I really liked this. I've been seeing so many poems lately that overuse repetition, and I'm glad to finally see one that didn't. This is the type of poem that makes you think. Although you don't know what to think of this one, you should be proud. It's great. Of course, you could touch it up.
This is the only part of the story that i don't like. It disrupts the flow, and, being the closing line, it should be stronger.
But, overall, I really enjoyed this. Great work
Hey!!! This poem is interesting. I know how it is to be inspired by something to the point of not being able to get it out of your head except by writing about it. So I can sympathize.
Anyway, I think your story is actually pretty cool. I'm the type of person who will scream at somebody when they're about to step on a bug, and then go and pick it up and take it out of harm's reach. Life is beautiful and precious, and I hate it when it's wasted. So, yeah. I like your concept.
As for how you carried it out, I'm a little unsure as to how I feel about it.
This is by far my favorite stanza. I like the verbs that you used and the way that you described the grass. I'm a little bit unsure about the last lines; they seem a little inconsistent with the rest of the stanza. But that's probably just me.
Still, I really like this poem. It makes me stop and think, and I like it when a poem does that.
Nice work!! Keep writing!!