Published November 11, 2011
Um... well I haven't written in a while...
Amnesia--
Conquering our land
And annexing cities.
It's weapons spare our skin;
There's something deeper than flesh.
Yes--
We ache.
We scream.
We cry from the damage,
And yes--
We still polish our eyes
With innocence
So we can shimmer when we smile
(As long as we look away)
Forgetting,
Not forgiving,
The creators.
Laughing with the person
Who once spun our tears.
"You are SO pretty
With your eyes
and flawless skin!"
And each of our eyes
Are puffy and red
From crusted old mascara.
The misconceptions and misreadings
Twist our arms and bend the bone
And expect transformation.
But the mangled are strong,
Driven by disappointment.
And though ice makes us shiver,
We plunge our hands into this winter storm
And feel for that mismatched doppelgänger.
Frantic
Panicked
Anxiety from…
What?
Points:
Time spent:
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Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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139,517 Literary Works • 672,595 Reviews
Hey! I thought this has so much potential! I wasn't quite sure if you were talking about epidemic of amnesia, or just a case of it that is personal to you. Maybe try to clear that up.
I liked annexing our cities better than consuming because annexing implies that it is an unwelcomed take-over. Also, you only need one hyphen.This stanza makes it seem more like an epidemic. Again, only one hyphen. I wasn't sure what the last line meant?
I thought the third and fourth stanzas were fantastic.
I love the image and emotion in this stanza. It was very powerful. Only nitpick: Use some kind of punctuation for Frantic and Panicked. The ending is great. Thanks for sharing!
i love it keeep up the great work ******************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************** panda21**************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************