A Moment of Strength

People in this world tend to underestimate people,

Mistake people for who they want them to be,

Mistreat the ones that will be their role models in the future.

The people that underestimate people are the ones who need guidance,

Protection from a strong wind blown by life,

A true source of breath to keep them walking,

A strong person to stand on.

I am that strong person.

I am that true source of breath.

I am the protector.

I am underestimated,

But I am the one who will prove this world wrong.

When I'm done, I am the one people will come after.

Tangela Moore

Comments & reviews · 4
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User avatar
ziggiefred
Review

Hello there :) And welcome to YWS!

This was an interesting poem. I liked how you approached the idea. It was also quite deep and it made me think; I like poems that make me think ;)
However, there is more you can do with your idea. It kind of lacked that spark some on some occasions which made it a little ordinary and cliche. But it is a likable poem don't get me wrong,

Good job.
Looking forward to seeing more from you :)

User avatar
Lavvie
Review
Lavvie wrote a review · Mon Jul 12, 2010 5:25 pm

This was very good. I liked how as soon as I started reading it, a sense of greatness filled me. I think it would do that to others. This is a strong poem, but I tend to agree with Kiicoh. It sounds like you have a great ego there :)

I like the topic/concept of your poem as few would write like that, but very well done for a new member :)

Questions/ comments about this, PM me.

Lavvi

User avatar
Kiicoh
Review
Kiicoh wrote a review · Mon Jul 12, 2010 8:16 am

I liked your idea for this writing piece, but I didn't like your use of the word "people".I think you could have come up with something a little more creative, or artistic. Something that would have flowed better.

talentedangel22 wrote:I am that strong person.

I am that true source of breath.

I am the protector.

I am underestimated,

But I am the one who will prove this world wrong.

When I'm done, I am the one people will come after.

Tangela Moore


Thats ection made me think of you describing yourself as na super hero, or maybe even a villan? Like someone hiding behind a mask, and eventually society will realize who you really are. I like this section. :)



Life is like an onion. You peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep.
— Carl Sandburg