The Apprentice

by taihackett12

Published March 1, 2016

E - Everyone

In taihackett12

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The Apprentice

I remember it like it was yesterday. I know when you’re just a few months old you usually don’t remember much, but this, this was different. The day was cold and grey, and I could feel the death all around me. At the time, I thought it was some sort of awful joke, but when my parents didn’t wake up, I realized that I was all alone. I was dazed, and confused. All these citizens were running around me, with their black powder guns blasting all around me. I know now that it was a rebellion, and that the Tang dynasty had finally fallen. I am now working for my great uncle, who beats me if I mess up even the slightest thing.

I can hear him right now shouting at me

“Jin! get over here this instant, or I shall beat you with this lump of clay I’m holding!”

I sighed. 16 years of this misery. I headed over the dirty, rotting, wooden floor that had been built by his uncle long before. I passed by barrels of arrows with their steel tips barrels of gunpowder,and scraps of worn fishnet, bark, and cloth, used to make paper. I looked outside, wishing that I could be out there, having fun.

“Jin, I want twenty pots made before sundown!” he told me. I groaned inwardly, but knowing how much it would upset him if I didn’t, sat down and got to work. Pot after pot I made, and it seemed like forever. My hands hurt from shaping the hard, white clay, and after finishing the last one, I decided that this was too much for me to take. I decided to run away.

I had already tried to do this before, but I had been caught when I was hardly 100 yards from our workshop.

This time though, I had made all the necessary preparations to do so. I had already gathered up some food that I had snuck from my uncle the night before. I had also included some of the rare paper money wrapped in the mulberry paper that I had pressed and made.

I decided that I would leave that night.

Later, I woke up on the cold, hard floor. I had everything I needed, so I had decided to head towards the major trade route, the Silk Road. I put on my ragged and torn robe made of hemp, gathered up my stuff, and got up and walked across the creaky floor. I grew nervous; every step, the floor creaked, and I grew increasingly nervous that my uncle would wake up. I made it to the door, and as soon as I got outside into the cold, starry night, I sprinted as fast as I could, running far away.

The next few days were miserable. I was extremely hungry, having eaten nothing before I left, and only packed a small amount of rice in a little pouch made of the same material as my robes that I carried in my hand. Eventually though, I made it to the Silk Road.

I met up with some traders on the road, and I gave them some of my money for food and water.

I kept on walking through the blazing sun, and I felt that my face had begun to perspire. I was so delirious from my journey. I had run out of the food and water I had bought, and the lack of nutrients only made it worse.

Eventually, after a couple more miles, my vision went blurry and I passed out.

The next thing I knew, I woke up to the sound of splashing water. A girl with hair as black as the night sky came over to me and introduced herself as Fung.

She told me that she was going to meet a monk, and how he was going to bring the children who were traveling on the Silk Road together

“My father told me that he was going to teach Confucianism to children” she said.

From that point on, I became great friends with Fung. She said that she had run away, from the printing business her father owned. She told me that carving out the designs on the wood to print on paper had badly damaged her hands, so much that she could barely hold anything properly.

We travelled together for a few more days, and eventually came across the capital of Kapilvastu, where we were told the monk lived.

We arrived at his house; it was grand, with a tall wall made of rammed earth, and once inside, I could see another wall, dark brown like the first one, but not nearly as tall or impressive.

I could see two other children already sitting with the monk in the middle of the courtyard. They introduced themselves, and I introduced myself, and so did Fung.

We sat in silence for a long while the monk spoke. He told us of the wonders of life, and the importance of a good family. He explained how it was important, and how much the well-being of a person depended on it. Then, he spoke with a different tone. Not one that was calm and peaceful like the ocean, but short and straight to the point.

“I have great news for you, my children” he said. “You are welcome to stay and live with me, under one condition; you must spread the word far and wide about Confucianism, and do not stop until the furthest part of Japan hears about it”

We looked at each other and sighed.

The monk looked at us impatiently and asked us what our decision was. We all agreed to spread the word far and wide, and we vowed that nothing would stop us.

Comments & reviews · 3
MailicedeNamedy wrote a review Review · Mar 29, 2022

Hi taihackett12,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

This was an interesting short story with an exciting ending. The way the beginning felt, I didn't expect to find ourselves in this ending now.

Let's start with the fact that I noticed positively that you wrote the first section with a lot of feeling and that I was really convinced that we would go in a completely different direction. That's definitely something you should keep up. It seems really professional to put the reader in such a situation straight away. One thing I did notice in the first paragraph:

All these citizens were running around me, with their black powder guns blasting all around me.


The repetition of "around me" in this sentence feels awkward, and think you should just leave it out of the second half. That would give the sentence the finishing touch, as it does in the other sentences in this part.

Another thing I noticed was that while we see a bit of the relationship between uncle and nephew, it's not enough for me as a reader to develop an understanding. I think that's where it would have done well to include another paragraph or two where we learn more about that relationship. At least some details. In the second half, it seemed as if you had rushed through it in some places.

Otherwise I was positively surprised with the story, especially how a different picture emerged towards the end and now I'm standing there wondering what's better for the nephew.

One other thing I noticed while reading:

I can hear him right now shouting at me
.

Here's a full stop missing at the end. :D

Have fun writing!

Mailice

User avatar
Sujana
Review
Sujana wrote a review Review · Mar 21, 2016

What a peculiar story. There was a moment in this very green room where there were a flood of works set entirely in ancient China, talking about various things such as Confucianism, Taoism, the Song dynasty, and all that good stuff. If you care to know, this is probably my favorite of all those works--far from being perfect, but it was at the very least extremely coherent, and had a heart to it that I think I can understand.

But you don't want to hear about that, do you? Onto the review, then.

Ultimately, I think this story was just the right length, compared to the others; not too short to speed through its plot, not too long to bore its poor readers. However, where it excels in plot and pacing, it falls slightly in tonal consistency. The story starts with a war, with the protagonist remembering something from his infanthood, and then abruptly arrives under his uncle's abusive rule, a different war entirely--what happened in between? You don't have to explain everything in great detail, mind you, but a connection between these two events would be very much appreciated, and could do a lot so that the readers understand the boy's position.

I also had a bit of a problem with how you portrayed Confucianism. In short, I barely know what Confucianism is from reading it. You did a lot of what people in the writing business call telling, when I think you could do better if you 'showed' us what Confucianism is. Have the monk give the children an example of Confucianism, have the monk teach the children the basics of Confucianist philosophy. Be specific--vague descriptions of Confucianism being about "the wonders of life, and the importance of a good family" probably won't sit well with some readers.

However, I overall liked how you mostly proofread the work, and how the story knows to keep it short and simple, not mixing in anymore characters than it needs to. It's quite intelligent as it is, though now you could have a little bit more heart. And a lot of editing.

Signing out,

--EM.

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garrettmilner Review
garrettmilner wrote a review Review · Mar 1, 2016

Hi Tai! I absolutely love your story! I especially like the way you fit so much in so little, a few paragraphs more and it would have felt like you were dragging it on. I wonder if the boy could have been older when his parents died, I'm not sure if he would even have the ability to produce long term thoughts. I also wonder if we could have more info on the monk, name etc.
But as I said before I love the story, I feel like it could have been written by an adult. Keep writing!



The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greater than that of any other animal.
— H. L. Mencken