Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.
Listen carefully. Have you ever experienced this? Your whole day is sunshine and rainbows; you're doing well in your day job. You're taking a nice walk in the park, blissfully looking at other people's lives. You have a nice meal for dinner. But then, as the night darkens, you hear footsteps approaching in the silence. And as you look out of the window with a sweaty face and rapid breathing, you see monsters hunting you with their drooling mouths. They soon find you and slowly crawl over you. They begin grappling with you so tightly that your chest can no longer expand enough for you to breathe. Slowly, they rip your skin, bite into your flesh, and sever your limbs as they reach for your head. Then they start devouring you as though you were a feast. Yet you can't cry because your tears are sucked dry by them. You can't scream for help as your throat is choked. How many nights can you go on like this? How do you plan to fight monsters that only exist in your head?
They disappear as the night fades, taking parts of your soul with them. But there's no trace of their damage. No one notices that you're losing part of yourself every night. You keep having the sunniest days and the darkest nights. And that keeps bothering you the most. But you feel it's a crime to show your scars because the world has done enough to make you feel like overgrown hair—something it would rather remove than care for. You keep enduring the pain. But one day, you lose it all.
They knock at your door again. The door tries to hold firm, but the pounding continues. Their nails scrape against it. The screeching makes it hard to breathe, as though the sound itself is wrapping its hands around your throat, its fingers curling deeper and deeper into your skin. Just the memory of their bloodthirsty eyes sends chills down your spine. Your heartbeat masks their pounding.
You want to cry like a child, but your eyes go numb. You curl into the corner, making yourself as small as you can, pulling your hair, wishing for this nightmare to end.
What would you, poor soul, want then? Will you hope to be rescued by some divine force? Or will you just give in, hoping they break down the door, tear you apart, and leave no trace?
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I'm looking for constructive criticism on this piece. I'd particularly appreciate feedback on:
- Whether the metaphors feel original and effective.
- Which lines have the strongest emotional impact.
- Whether the pacing and transitions work.
- Which parts feel unclear, repetitive, or overwritten.
Please be honest and specific. I'm looking to improve my writing. Thanks