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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hi, I'm here to leave a short review for you using the YWS S'more Method!
A belated welcome to YWS by the way! I'm Ant, and I'm a Junior Moderator, so please let me know if you need any help on the site, or you can ask someone with a green or red username, and they would be happy to help too!!
Top Graham Cracker - What I Know
The overall themes I can see from this poem at a first glance is many metaphors of the sky and nature, as well as dance. The feel of the poem is very elegant, and feels sort of romantic or gentle in some way. The poem is split into four parts, and each one is separate but has the same feel when you read it, maybe connecting to the same theme throughout, but begins with the simple statement of, "Silent dancers are free to dance". This is my interpretations of the poems: the second poem seems to be describing autumn leaves, and the image of them against the dawn and the clouds, while the third is about ripples maybe in water and grass swaying, and the fourth could be describing the burning of trees, since it describes bark and burning and combustion.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - Room for Improvements
One thing I would say you could improve on is connecting them all to something. Unless they are all separate poems, (of which that is totally fine) I think it would be really cool if you connected them to one image. When I was reading it, I loved all the vivid pictures you wrote about, but I couldn't quite connect them to a big picture. Again, this is just a suggestion, but I think it would string all the poems together nicely, if you had another poem that put all of them together, or a repeated phrase in all of them, since they all feel so connected, all being silent dancers in nature. But this is totally up to you, and I realize you may already connect them with the opening line, so this is just if you want to connect it further.
Chocolate Bar - Highlights of the Piece
I absolutely love this piece. The opening line is really interesting and simple, but really draws the reader in, and is what, I think, connects the rest of the poems. I love how you described the swaying of leaves and grass like paint, as if they are like nature's artistry, and the grass caressing the sky, it makes it feel like the grass is alive and moving. All your word choices were all very elegant and flowy, and fit very well for this piece, and felt soft and delicate, which was fitting for the theme of a silent dance. I also loved that you described combustion as a tender kiss, similar to the rest of the poem that felt very romantic in the description of nature, and made something that would seem harsh be seen as more gentle. The line breaks, as well, I thought were well placed too. And you were able to picture so much with so little words, which is honestly amazing in my opinion, and added to the quiet feeling of it.
Closing Graham Cracker - Closing Thoughts
Overall, this was a really beautiful piece, your writing of nature especially has so much detail and has a delicate feeling in this poem, and I really enjoyed reading it. I hope you keep writing poems like this and that you enjoy your time on the site!
Keep writing!
- Ant
Thank you for the review, and for introducing me to the S%u2019more method! I%u2019m glad you enjoyed the poem.
You said that you couldn%u2019t quite connect them all to one big picture, and I appreciate the alternate perspective (while writing I felt they were as connected as I wanted them to be, but it%u2019s something to consider in future to make it clearer for readers). I also appreciate how you didn%u2019t force your perspective on me but explained why and how your suggestion would be helpful and let me choose for myself.
I put a lot of work into the imagery to try and make it say exactly what I wanted it to, and I%u2019m glad some of that effort can be seen in the final piece. This is also one of the first times I%u2019ve tried to have purposeful line breaks in a poem, and you seemed to notice that as well.
This is a bit of a long reply, but I just wanted to show that I read and appreciate your feedback. Thank you again!
Hey syndeton! I’m here to give you a review on this lovely poetry (collection?). First of all, welcome to YWS! I hope you’re enjoying it so far. Your poetry is so beautiful, and I definitely hope you keep posting!!
With your first poem, I love how clean and concise it is while still carrying that meaning, light as a feather. It truly made me think. I believe it could benefit from a period at the end, to finish off the idea, but other than that it is lovely. This whole collection carries a lightness that can’t be replicated--from the clouds to the leaves.
In the second poem, I really felt that airy feeling. You rely a lot on imagery in this collection, while still incorporating other literary elements, which is very nice!! I do feel like this specific poem is almost entirely image, without a message or specific emotion meant to be evoked in the reader. I feel as though this image could be incorporated into a larger piece, perhaps playing around with the idea of dance like this collection does.
Your third poem somehow looks like a simple image on the surface, but carries a deeper meaning! For me, I interpreted it as connection between people, like with the ripples intersecting. This poem does feel a bit disconnected from the others, though--just something to think about.
The last one is easily my favorite!! You’ve crafted your words carefully to portray this ruinous feeling. Your tone especially is so strong in this poem and I ADORE it.
Overall, you are such a talented poet! I cannot wait to see what you post next--I’ll be eagerly waiting!
Keep writing!
<3, chem
Thank you for the review! I%u2019m glad you enjoyed the poem(s?); I spent a lot of time on the imagery. I agree that it does feel somewhat disconnected, especially the third part. Thank you for pointing that out.
I%u2019m enjoying YWS very much thank you, especially with your supportive feedback!
welp i accidentally commented