Published September 22, 2011
Autumn
The crippled leaves are dancing in the wind
You went and left me behind
Winter
The snow has blinded my vision, I cannot see the path ahead
I wonder where you are
Spring
Sweet memories are replaying as flowers blossom
I miss you so much
Summer, a year has passed
I am still waiting for you
Because I promised you that I would wait for you
Til I die, til I cannot love you anymore
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,252 Literary Works • 673,073 Reviews
I was glad to read this. It's short, true, but it's okay- it's simple, and could be made into something longer and stronger but doesn't have to be. I like how you stated the seasons before their sections, when you repeated that it seemed to flow pretty well. I liked the imagery you used, talking about things that pertained to each season- the dancing leaves, the blinding snow, flowers blossoming. Maybe you could also put something like that into the Summer section and make it exactly twice as long as the others, or not, as it's fine how it is. Either way, it's a nice poem, and I like the feel at the end. Keep writing!
This poem was respectable. I liked how you transitioned through the seasons. Thumbs up. However, I think you could have been more thorough with each season. It was a bit rushed. You But I liked how the intensity increased as time passed like the ending line. A piece of advice with the intensity though: if you're going to pick it up, use new, exciting adjectives that get "higher" up as you push through the poem. You repeated "waiting" some times. Also, you can explain more about her "love" or "obsession." Other then that, it's splendid!
Dragon Rider
Hi, thanks for your lovely review.
Yes, that was on purpose.
It would be nice if you could review the first chapter and prologue of my new novella
Hello there, Sweethearts!
This is a very lovely poem, and I'm a fan of the format that you've used.
Using the seasons to represent the time that has passed is a nice idea, an you've done your work nicely.
This one is slightly off, you've done all the previous seasons in one line each. Was that on purpose? Oh, and beware of the I's, a lot of them are supposed to be capital letters.
Well, I think that's it. The poem left a nice impression on me, I'd like to see you try for something a little longer.
Thanks for sharing this!
Cheers,
Alpha