Hi! I'm here to do a review! Let's review your art, shall we?
First of all, because of the word "fuckshit" I think you need to rate this poem at LEAST 16+ for language. Making it E for Everyone is a good way to get views, but at the same time you need to take in account the stats and the logic. This is still in the Green Room in January and you posted it in early December. And do you really want 9 year olds reading this? The reason I'm asking these questions and telling your this is because a previous reviewer recommended this, and you didn't respond. I don't know why, may be you aren't on this site any more, but I think it's best if you mark it 16+.
Now to your writing! You state a lot of things directly, which generally isn't my style of poetry, but it's okay. You do it well and you provide good imagery and description...I particularly like the idea of "herb smoke". The thing I think you need the most help with is your punctuation and language.
It's not very professional to use more than one exclamation point in the same line, with both punctuation marks next to each other (like this: !!). Also, the exclamation mark loses its punch the more you use it. When you first used the exclamation mark I was very enthused but then my feelings started dropping the more you used it.
Second, it's not professional to use emojis in stuff like this. Why are you using emoticons? Don't do it. Emoticons are used in text conversations with people that are more direct than art and poetry. Your art is how you communicate with the reader. Not through emoticons. Not only that, but it breaks me out of your poem. That's not good. I suggest taking them out.
I won't go hyper-edit right now because it's clear this poem relates to you (through the mention of the name Paolo. What do your readers know of Paolo?) And because I have other things to do. It was an interesting work, and I hope this helped! I'm sorry if this was harsh!
Points: 1590
Reviews: 44
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