Published August 30, 2010
This was written in response to Hermann Hesse's Siddhartha.
Stray, solitary souls
Wandering along lonely paths
Parallel to another
Never will they meet
Mystifying fog clings
Trapping the two lost souls
Apart for an eternity
Never will they meet
One tries with all his might
To see the other
If even only a glance
Never will they meet
The other in silent serenity
Distant from his surroundings
Yet wholly one with everything
Never will they meet
One strives, the other waits
The teacher, the river
Each has its own way
Never will they meet
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Personally, I liked the repetition.. it seemed to apply to each line, and though I'm not a huge fan of repetition, it seemed to work in this piece.
Honestly, I have not read the book, and perhaps if I had, that would change what I'm about to say. But, this didn't have that much depth to it. I mean, there's an obvious sadness and longing, but I think it could be stronger. Right now, it's just kind of.. there.. and it doesn't really apply to us. It isn't easy to relate to really. Otherwise, I think this was well done.. the phrasing was nice, as was the word choice and use of repetition. Nice write.
-Coral-
Hi, superchipmunk. Nice name.
I read that book too. Really cool.
I didn't exactly get what your were trying to say. I think it was the repetition of "Never will they meet." I mean, I like the imagery and I get some things you're trying to say, but just not getting the whole story.
I didn't find anything else wrong with it...So, write on. and PM me for anything. Sorry I couldn't be much help.