memories

This is amazing . I didnt know u cud write such things . I was sooo engrossed reading this that i forgot to note the mistakes............LOL

This is amazing . I didnt know u cud write such things . I was sooo engrossed reading this that i forgot to note the mistakes............LOL

This is so beautiful. Don't mind what others say about the emotion, I think that is what give you your edge. Keep with the big feelings. One thing I will say is if you write another story like this then try to add in some happy emotions to balance out the sad ones. But please keep writing!

For a first job on this site, I see hope for marvelous works in the future. Even though I was busy noticing the homogenous 0grammatical errors, I could not help but commend the way the story flowed.

Nevertheless, we cannot ignore the absence of capital of letters, improper insertion of commas, misappropriation of ellipsis (...), unused full stops, unavailability of spacing... (the list goes on).
I would suggest studying novels and their punctuation styles to better your own writing.

Cheers!

Wow, This is so good! It has very nice discription. It's sort of depressing but it's really good. Keep writing. Now some of the things I noticed was that you didnt capitalize the begging of your sentences. Your title should be capitalized. You need to use some comma's in certian places. But other than that it had a nice rythem of flowing words. Like your favorite cake you could just eat it whole. Thats the type of feeling I had with this piece. It's very dramatic and perhaps you should post more of the book. This should also be like a prolouge to 'Memories'.
Megz219.

Hi.

You need better ways of pouring out your teen angst than 'short stories'. Or if you do want to do it by writing (actually recommended, it's far better than some other ways), I recommend you actually spare a kind thought for your readers before posting, or better yet, before writing. Imagine, how tormented they must have felt after reading this.

You mention big emotions here, sorrow, despair, and whatnot. However, you don't make us feel them. Your character doesn't live them, they're just blank words on a page. You need to make things visceral, relatable, for us. You need to breathe a spark of life into your unnamed character. Bring things down to earth, make things clear. Really work on this. I, for one, can't experience one of the emotion she speaks of, because they're not clear. Not understandable. Sorrow is a really big concept, many different interpretations. What you need to show the readers is HOW your character interprets this emotion, and put it on page (or Word document).

You also need to breathe a spark of proper punctuation into this. Capitals after full stops, no spaces after commas, and only one suspension mark. That means three little dots. More do not constitute a longer break, it only makes you look no0bish.

Hope this helped
~Ita

Hi, Asma here! i'll be reviewing your 'beautiful' Short and sweet story today!

So to begin with, usually short stories run so fast that you cant understand the emotions very well and cant feel them. But here, you wrote it so magically! Every sentence touched me, and seriously it was so beautifully portrayed. And the grief of that girl, the song of the ocean, the death of the boy was so magical.

Although, it was just amazing- you just need to concentrate on capitalization the punctuation marks...you know it breathes life into your stories. So here is the correction-

She sat on the rocky edge of the boulder letting her feet dangle in the stillness of the water, gazing at the rippling waves crawling on the shore like an ancient turtle.
A salty mist hanging above the water.
She could feel it gently kissing her face. She licked her lips and could taste the familiar presence of salt from the ocean water.

Above , the seagulls circled, searching the shallow clear water for food and calling out to one another. and in her hand rests .............
"her lovers favorite shell"
She placed it against her ear and the sound of the ocean brought back the cherished moments they had spent together - it all came back to her now.

He lay in the hospital that day battling to be alive. It was 6 am in the morning. The phone rang, breaking the long mysterious silence held by the night.
She was shattered ,she had lost something that would never come back. The day was filled with sorrow, false hopes, tears and despair.
She was alone in this world now.
She was an orphan but had found someone to depend upon and to love immensely, He was the only one for her whom she had now lost forever...but fortunately, not everything.
They would often spend their time together near the oceans. Their fondest memories weren't captured in photos or camera, but in the ocean's water, the sands and the sky. She knew that whenever she would feel that emptiness in the corner of her heart, she would come here, to the ocean where all his favorite memories live on. She would listen to the songs which were once sung by them...now sung by the oceans.

So that's it, besides these mistakes it was really amazing!!!

hey I am Umaima and as I said I am reviewing your story today!

well first of all nice concept. It was fun to read and i could get your emotions here. well what I would suggest you here is that you concentrate on punctuation's (not that I am good at it) and partly the grammar. Else then that great job.

And as it is your first submission here very well done...keep up the great work