Its hard and no one has any idea about it. I only have a few things keeping me still here, but from what I can see right now it wont be long till I lose that. hi, my name is Road. Yeah, yeah say all you want about my name its not like I haven't heard it so. I'm your average teenage girl in a high school, but you may think I'm average. think again I'm the girl that looks and dresses different from others and they wont except me for me because I'm "different". After going through hell in school I tried to talk people, listening to music, and working out, but nothing worked. so I went to the dark side that has liquid that was red. Red was everywhere no matter where I went that's all I saw. Then I would get pain up my arm, around my wrist, and my thy. All I could think was having someone say in my head,
"Come on just take your life its not like anyone is going to miss you. Road come on, you and I both know that your a no body so what's the point really"
"Stop it I'm not a no body I still have people that care about me....... don't I?"
"Oh come on Road you even said it yourself in you dairy, so just do you know you want to"
That's all the person in my head told me to do. I thought of it again, I lost the best guy in my life and now I have to go to school with him, why does this have to happen to me.
I went to my shed and found one of the box cutters, then went back inside. I went to my room and shut the door, I did what I had to do because I couldn't take it anymore. First I wrote my mom a note and I said
" I'm so sorry mom, don't think this was because of you because it wasn't. I just couldn't take all the hate people were giving to me and I miss him mom and I cant have him. I love you so much mom and tell everyone else that I love them too. I wish I didn't have to do this, but I'm not as tough as you were and I cant live being hated all the time. I'm so sorry
love your daughter,
Road"
I left the note on my bed, then I went in to my bathroom and turned on the bathtub. I sat in the nice warm water cloths and all, I took the blade and put it to my left wrist first. I dug it in deep and went right across, I did the same thing to the right too then I put my arms in the water and just sat there. I started to feel really light headed and I also started to black out. Just a little bit more and everything will be over.
" hahahaha" said the voice in my head. I thought to myself, why are you still here I'm ending just like you said.
"hahahaha, you really thought that this would end things, you thought wrong little girl. Its just going to get worse, once they hear that you killed your self, that will be all they talk about. Your just a stupid girl and you know nothing." This time the person said in an evil voice.
Now I was to weak to even call for help, so all I can do now is just sit here and cry till I die. just before my last couple of heart beats there was an evil laugh somewhere around, so with my last bit of life I screamed. After I screamed the last thing I hear was,
"You little bitch"
I turned on the news just when they were say something about a death, but then I heard Roads name. I turned the volume up and they said,
" Today, a young girl has killed her self, Road Kamelot was found today in her bathroom in the bathtub with her wrists slit. she left her family a note saying that she couldn't take the hate from people and that she didn't take her life because of her family, but because the way she was treated in school. We also estimated that she did this because she lost someone that she really like."
After hearing what they said I got up and ran to Roads house. I just stood there shocked because there was things on the Kamelots porch, that were Roads friends things. I fell to the ground and stared to cry. That's when Mrs. Kamelot came out and said " Whats going...." I looked up before she could finish.
"How dare you, you show up here for what, to say sorry. Well think again because your sorry cant bring her back. She did this because you didnt help her like you were suppose to. I have never seen any kid like you Nick ever in my life. You should have just helped her Nick none of this could of happen you know that."
That was all and she was right I should have done something, but I was to stupid to see it. I agree with Mrs. Kamelot there nothing that I could say to make thing better or bring her back, it is all my fault.
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139,786 Literary Works • 672,767 Reviews
A lot of people confuse being grammar Nazis with writing a review. That being said, did you even look at what you wrote before you submitted it? If you going to post on here, at least check for basic spelling and grammar mistakes. Put it word for Christ sakes; it really is that easy.
If you're to post on here, and I'm going to assume it's for critique or review, you should at least put in some work correcting your mistakes if you expect us to review or critique it. We're doing work reviewing your work, a favor in my opinion (that is if you are looking for a critique, if not I feel like an asshole), and you could at least take a minute or two to make your story readable. It helps you out too, because then you don't come across as a semi literate sixth grader.
This is my first review on anything and I think this is a great story to start on. I think its great personally even though its a dark topic its quite well written. Even though there is a few errors here and there its was still worth a read. What do you mean by "average teenage girl"? No description of her? Well looking past that i think its great.
~Bryan
ok hey hun My name is Samantha and this is my first review. I like the story so far and I noticed alot of Capitalization problems. I was confused on "I'm your average teenage girl in a high school, but you may think I'm average. think again I'm the girl that looks and dresses different from others and they wont except me for me because I'm "different". Did the words get Jumbled there or did I read it Wrong? Keep up the good work and make sure you edit soon
-Samantha
First things first there are a few spelling, capitalization and punctuation errors but I'm not going to write out each and everyone of them since your previous review for this work has most of them already pointed out and I figure that would just end up being annoying.
Other than that it's pretty good, very sad, descriptive and meaningful. There's a good amount of truth to this piece that makes it all the more impactful.
Good job, keep doing great things
-Carmenbluestar
suicide99
Well, that was disturbing.
I got a bit confused about half way into the poem with what was going on. Was it herself that was telling her all those things. If so then they should have been italicised.
You should put something that tells when it changes narrators. Maybe just a line or something. The reader "like myself" may get lost if you just throw in a new narrator.
I think you should have perhaps mentioned Nick earlier in the story. If he\she (not sure if it was a boy or a girl) was the bully then maybe you should put.
"Come on just take your life its not like anyone is going to miss you. Road come on, you and I both know that your a no body so what's the point really" Nick told me.
If he\she wasn't the bully then maybe mention them as a sidelined character earlier in the story.
Besides that I think you did a good job
long till I lose that. hi, my name is Road.
Capitalization after a sentence is needed. I'm sure it was just a mistake.
"Come on[,] just take your life[.] Its not like anyone is going to miss you. Road come on, you and I both know that your a no[]body so what's the point, really[?]"
I saw a couple of mistakes here. It seemed more better when it was separated into two different sentences. Nobody is one word, no body with a space means somebody has no body, like they don't even have a body, if you know what I mean.
Yeah, yeah say all you want about my name[,] its not like I haven't heard it so.
Why did you end that sentence with a 'so'? It doesn't make the sentence any worse/better.
I took the blade and put it to my left wrist first. I dug it in deep and went right across, I did the same thing to the right too[.] Then I put my arms in the water and just sat there[.]
Instead of 'I did the same' you could replace it with 'and did the same thing' just to shorten it. Remember, periods at the end of sentences.
"Oh come on Road you even said it yourself in you dairy, so just do you know you want to[,]"
I'm assuming you meant diary instead of 'dairy' when you posted this sentence. In dialogue, you end it with a comma.
Well think again[!] Because your sorry cant bring her back. She did this because you didn[']t help her like you were suppose[d] to.
That was all[.] She was right. I should have done something, but I was to[o] stupid to see it. I agree with Mrs. Kamelot[.] T here [is] nothing that I could say to make [any]thing better or bring her back, [and] it is all my fault.
" hahahaha" said
Since it's in her mind, and she is thinking it, it would be in italics. Capitalization too.
Today, a young girl has killed her self, Road Kamelot was found today in her bathroom in the bathtub with her wrists slit. she left her family
Remember, 'she' would be capitalized because it's the beginning of a new sentence.