Frecar
A story based on the game.
Prologue – All about me!
I was the big shot of the city. I was the strongest there. My sword had slain many. My name was known around Genoa. I am Datto. I have redish, orangish hair with orangish, brownish clothing. I don't wear any armor because I beleive that heavy stuff such as that would slow me down. I am only 15 and so far I’ve become Genoa’s strongest being. At least on this planet. You see, I live on a planet that has 3 moons. These moons are actually other planets that our present day scientists believe have life on them. Who knows, maybe there is life on those planets. The closest moon comes by almost once a week. We call it Genoa 2. The other planets are to far away to see clearly, but they can be seen. There have been legends that fairies travel between the 2 planets. Personally, I don’t believe any of those crazy old legends. I’ve never seen a fairy before. But everything I knew about our distant sister planet, and all of the legends that go along with it, was about to change…
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Canary word: Present
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125,011 Literary Works • 672,841 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well this is a rather intriguing prologue here. I don't believe I've seen anything quite like it before. Although before I get into the actual content of things here, I've gotta start by saying this doesn't really read like a prologue would. A prologue is often some sort of scene whereas this reads far more like the sort of narration one would expect to see at the start of a story or more like some sort of premise or detailed description of a world perhaps. I think you've gotta look into it a little more before continuing with the whole prologue angle here.
Besides that, there's also a bit of an issue with the paragraphing here, I feel like everything is a bit too crowded into this one tiny paragraph and I think it could do with a little bit of spreading out here and breaking into at least a couple of smaller paragraphs. Besides those few issues though, it does seem like it'd be a really interesting premise and quite a bit of work does seem to have gone into things here so on the whole, a solid piece here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Redish is spelled reddish and orangish isn't a word.
Beleive is spelled believe.
Write the numbers out.
To should be spelled too.
This is an okay beginning, but you tell everything instead of showing. Instead of telling the reader everything in the first few paragraphs, try to tell us throughout the story when it becomes necessary to know. Less people will become bored that way.
If the only reason you have a prologue is because you want to tell the reader everything before you begin the "real" story, you probably don't need it.
ok
well here we go!
First things first, i think it was good in a sense it gave information about it just so the reader knows where to start.
I have to agree, it was pretty boring though. More descriptions you could have spoke all that you had to say in that paragraph into a really creative prologue.
over all, well done i think this could really be a nice story.
p.s. David you rock
Britt
Because this is the prologue, it's not exactly meant to be exciting. Read the whole entire story and then criticize on it's content. Thank you!
#8040BF ">When you have already told us that Datto is strongest in world the why do you say atleast in the world. It sounds funny. And world is the earth but he lives in some other planet so it should be 'universe'. Ignore it I am saying wrong.
I think it was boring and confusing. I didn't understand. is the planet he lives on Earth?
Hallo there. :}
Okay, so, this prolouge was short, sweet, and to the point. There's only one problem I had with it, and I could find it very easily because it's a problem I used to make very often.
You started switching into the present tense a few times during this. Remember, past tense can be defined as anything that happened yesterday to a hundred years ago. So instead of saying, 'I don't believe in any of those crazy legends,' say, 'I didn't.' Just read over it and make sure it's all past tense.
And also. Please change 'the 2 planets' into 'the two planets.' Us writers spell things out and make them prettier. :}
Okay. That's all for now!
Love & Blessings,
Aushy